Misplaced Reflection
by TimN
Summary: The Scooby gang discovers that they are all characters in a TV show.


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Misplaced Reflection  
  
An original piece of  
Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan fiction  
  
(c) 2001 Tim North, timn@vianet.net.au  
  
A PDF version of this file is also available:  
www.vianet.net.au/~timn/fiction/  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was a sunny day at Sunnydale High. Birds sang, and the wind  
whistled gently through trees grown tall over many years of days  
such as this. Students sat in small groups chatting and laughing.  
Others walked hand in hand, and some nibbled at "healthy" meals  
that would have left squirrels hungry.  
  
Buffy Summers, the Chosen One and slayer of vampires, pouted. The  
world, taken all in all, largely failed to notice her funk, so  
she stamped a petite, leather-clad foot. A few ants scurried away  
(one perhaps with a slight limp that hadn't been there previously  
and would, come winter, ache with the cold) but, on balance, the  
world still failed to react as it should and went on,  
obstinately, much as it had before her pouting and stamping. Life  
was so unfair, the Slayer thought, and promptly pouted again.  
  
Willow Rosenberg rolled her eyes and sighed melodramatically.  
"Okay, okay. Enough with the silent, pouty stuff. What's wrong,  
Buff?"  
  
The Slayer brightened noticeably. "It's nice of you to ask." Then  
she slumped again, briefly considering another pout for dramatic  
effect. "See those two over there?", she said pointing.  
  
Willow looked towards the group of students that her friend was  
indicating, trying to single out the ones in question. "You mean  
the two holding hands?"  
  
"That's them", the Slayer said, gloweringly darkly.  
  
"What's wrong with them?", Willow asked. "I think it's kind of  
romantic the way they're holding hands. They're in love."  
  
"They're pond scum!"  
  
"Huh?" Willow looked at Buffy confused.  
  
"Don't you recognise them? How can she do that with him -- with  
everyone watching. Doesn't she know I'm going to see her and ...  
and ... well, _see_ her?"  
  
"Buffy, calm down." Willow put a hand on her friend's shoulder.  
"What's got you so upset?" She peered at the distant couple who,  
obligingly, had turned so as to give her a better view of them.  
"I don't even recognise him, but she looks a bit like ..."  
  
"_Cordelia!_", Willow gasped.  
  
"The one and only", said Buffy. "Canoodling with another guy. In  
public."  
  
"I don't believe it", said Willow dejectedly. "I mean, how could  
she? Oh, poor Xander. He's going to be heartbroken." She looked  
over at Buffy. "Do you think he knows?"  
  
"Well, if he doesn't, we're the one's who'll have to tell him."  
  
Willow pouted. Life was so unfair.  
  
*  
  
Rupert Giles hurriedly closed the demonology he was reading and  
looked up as the library doors swung open. It really would be  
rather awkward to try to explain what he was doing reading such a  
book in a school library. There were already far too many  
mystical books here as it was. He relaxed though when he saw that  
it was only Buffy and Willow, and promptly tensed up again when  
he noticed the looks on their faces.  
  
"Giles, have you seen Xander?", asked Buffy.  
  
"No, not today." He looked them over. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Not really", said Willow. "We're just looking for him. He  
skipped classes today."  
  
"Oh. It's just that when you came in I thought that something  
might be wrong. You both looked a little, well, ... pouty."  
  
Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "We don't pout!"  
  
Giles hastily retreated. "Oh, sorry, of course. No pouting. How  
silly of me. Must remember."  
  
Willow looked over at Buffy. "We should tell him. Giles might  
know what to say." Buffy nodded, and Willow continued. "Giles,  
we've just seen Cordelia with another guy."  
  
Giles looked on expectantly. "And ...", he ventured after a  
moment's silence.  
  
Buffy snorted. "And? And they were holding hands, Giles."  
  
"And canoodling", Willow offered helpfully.  
  
"Oh, I see", Giles said. "Well then, that explains the chocolate,  
doesn't it?"  
  
Buffy and Willow looked at each other and shrugged. "Huh?", said  
Buffy.  
  
"Oh, well, I mean to say that I saw Xander last night, and he was  
scavenging around for chocolate. He seemed a little depressed. I  
guess he wanted the chocolate to cheer him up."  
  
Willow sighed. "He must already know about Cordelia and that guy.  
Poor Xander." She looked over at Buffy. "Buffy, we've got to find  
him and cheer him up."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, we'll try his house after school. He'll  
probably be there."  
  
Willow brightened up. "Yeah, and if he's not, we can try the  
Bronze. They've got a vending machine there with lots of  
chocolate."  
  
*  
  
Spike threw himself to the floor as the crossbow bolt slammed  
into the wall behind where his head had lately been. His  
wheelchair teetered and collapsed onto his damaged legs. Cursing,  
he dragged himself upright and turned towards his assailant  
knowing that he was surely cornered.  
  
Scrambling to one side, his unearthly vampiric skin pale with  
exertion, he only barely managed to avoid the wooden stake that  
could have killed him but, instead, slid across his chest,  
raising a bloody welt in its wake.  
  
Shocked by the sight of his own blood, he looked up into the eyes  
of his assailant, now standing above him, the wooden stake again  
raised to strike ...  
  
"Bloody hell, Dru. That really hurt!"  
  
Drusilla looked down at his bloody chest and the blood seeping  
through his fingers, an unfocused look in her mad eyes. "Did it  
_really_ hurt, Spike?", she said slowly.  
  
"You bet it bloody hurt."  
  
"Oh good."  
  
Spike struggled to right the overturned wheelchair and clamber  
back into it. Panting, he wiped most of the blood from his hands  
onto the tattered remains of his shirt. "What do you mean _good_? I  
could have been killed!"  
  
Frowning he tore off the scraps of the now bloody shirt. "_And_  
this was my last black shirt. I only stole this last week. Do you  
know how badly dressed most of the dweebs in this town are? I  
can't wear just anything, you know. Now I'm going to have to find  
another victim with a fashion sense. In Sunnydale that could take  
weeks!"  
  
Drusilla looked toward him briefly as she idly licked his blood  
from the stake. "Well it serves you right."  
  
"What do you mean by that?", he snapped, pulling the stake from  
her hands. "I swear, Dru, you've been moodier than ever this last  
week, and for you that's saying something."  
  
"Well I'm bored, Spikey. Hungry and bored."  
  
"Oh, don't go all pouty on me", he snapped.  
  
"But I'm bored, Spike. All the food around here tastes the same."  
  
Spike pulled on a new shirt. "Brown", he mumbled. "I'm reduced to  
wearing a brown shirt." He wheeled himself over and took her  
delicate, pale hand. "But cupcake, what about that lovely Chinese  
we had last night?"  
  
Drusilla sighed. "Oh, you know what the Chinese are like, Spike.  
You have one, and an hour later you want another one."  
  
Spike sighed. He should have seen that one coming. Sometimes he  
wondered if being undead might have been easier alone. "Alright,  
honey bun. How about we have something special tonight. How about  
an Italian?"  
  
Drusilla shook her head. "Too greasy."  
  
"An Australian then pet?"  
  
"No", she replied slowly as she stared at her fingers.  
"Australians are usually drunk. I feel quite tipsy after just one  
of them."  
  
"Alright then", Spike countered patiently. "What about ..."  
  
"I've got it!", Drusilla erupted, clapping her hands girlishly.  
"Cuban! Let's have a Cuban."  
  
Spike stared in disbelief. "Give over, Dru. Where the bleedin'  
hell are you going to find a Cuban in Sunnydale?"  
  
Drusilla stamped a foot. "I shall just keep looking until I find  
one."  
  
Spike sighed, knowing himself defeated. "Alright then, my poppet.  
Cuban it is", he said to Drusilla's already retreating form.  
"Don't hurry, pet. I won't wait up ..."  
  
*  
  
Angelus slipped into the shadows and waited. A sound came from up  
ahead. Another. And another. Footsteps. A shadow appeared at the  
end of the alleyway, looking around nervously, unaware that its  
furtive steps brought it ever closer to him. He loved it when his  
food delivered itself like this.  
  
He tensed up and brought on the transformation. The approaching  
figure, still unaware of his presence, walked carelessly towards  
him. He slipped deeper into the shadows and let the hapless human  
walk nervously past, allowing himself to wonder briefly what  
would happen if he leaped out and screamed "Boo!". Smiling at the  
thought, he stepped out into the alleyway preparing to attack  
from behind -- only to collide, hard, with a hitherto unseen form.  
  
"Whoopsies", said Drusilla staggering back from the collision.  
  
Angelus sighed at the prospect of an easy meal lost. Still,  
Drusilla was game of another kind. "Didn't see you there", he  
said casually.  
  
Drusilla looked into his dark eyes and pouted. "I'm most upset  
with you for this", she said. "_That_ was the only Cuban in  
Sunnydale."  
  
Angelus looked at her, confused. "Cuban?"  
  
"Oh, never mind", she said dejectedly. "I'd gone off Cubans  
anyway. It's the cigars. They make me sneeze."  
  
Angel regarded her closely. "Feel like hunting together then?"  
  
Drusilla smiled, a wild, carnivorous look in her eyes. "Oh,  
_yeah_. It'll be just like old times." She looked up at him then  
slipped her arms around his waist. "I missed you, you know."  
  
Angelus pulled her to him and kissed her roughly. She responded  
in kind. God, but he'd forgotten how lovely she was! Breaking  
away from him, Drusilla took his hand and began to pull him down  
the alley.  
  
"Let's go kill someone!"  
  
*  
  
The Bronze seethed with people. Even on a week night it was  
invariably full, seeing as how there was almost nowhere else to  
hang out in Sunnydale. Buffy and Willow made their way through  
the press of people to Xander's table. He looked up at them, and  
then back down at the table top as he idly brushed three or four  
chocolate-bar wrappers onto the floor.  
  
"Buffy, Willow, good; you're just in time. I'm all out of coins  
for the vending machine, and the guy at the bar's threatened to  
hurt me if I ask him for any more." Buffy and Willow slipped into  
the seats either side of him. "So, I was thinking another Mars  
bar to start off ..." He fell silent as Willow slipped her hand  
over his, still not looking up from his careful inspection of the  
table top.  
  
"Xander, we know about Cordelia, and we're both really sorry."  
  
Xander looked up at them and gave a weary sort of half grin.  
"That? Oh, hey that's nothing. Already over it."  
  
Buffy reached out and took his other hand. "I know it hurts,  
Xander. I've been through it. When Angel ..." She stopped,  
leaving the too painful words unspoken.  
  
"Buffy's right, Xander", added Willow. "We all know how you feel,  
and you can't pretend it doesn't hurt or that it doesn't matter -  
because it does", she said emphatically.  
  
Xander sighed and sagged in his seat. "Okay, so I do feel just a  
teeny bit bummed out." The girls stared at him, waiting. "All  
right, all right", he conceded finally. "It's major league  
depression. My soul is a gaping wound. Happier now?"  
  
Buffy smiled contentedly. "Much. See, don't you feel better now  
that you've admitted how rotten you feel?"  
  
There was a moment's silence as both Willow and Xander tried to  
figure out how to make sense of that statement and failed. "Well,  
what I meant to say", said Buffy, deflating somewhat, "was that  
there's no point pretending that you don't feel the way you do.  
It won't make you happy."  
  
"Yeah", said Willow. "Only feeling really miserable for two or  
three weeks will make you happy."  
  
"That's right", added Buffy proudly. "And we're here to help you  
do it."  
  
Xander looked at them both dumbly. "Huh?"  
  
"Well, maybe that didn't come out right either, but you're in  
pain and we want to help."  
  
"Oh yeah", agreed Xander. "Cordy's the _queen_ of pain." He shook  
his head. "What I really don't understand is why I feel this bad  
about her breaking up with me. I mean, you know what she's like.  
I should be happy that the "me-me-me" monster has gone to torment  
John for a while."  
  
Willow looked confused. 'So just who _is_ this John guy, anyway?  
And why would Cordelia dump you for him? We were a team", she  
added plaintively.  
  
"I've never seen him before", said Xander. "And I'm damned if I  
know what she sees in him. One day she was happy with me -- well,  
sort of happy in a Cordelia-ish kind of way -- and the next day,  
_bam_!, she casually tells me she's seeing another guy."  
  
"That sucks", said Buffy.  
  
"Big time", added Willow. "She's broken up the Scooby gang."  
  
"I wish he was a big old vampire", Xander mused. "That way I  
could hunt him down and drive a stake through his heart while  
Cordelia watched."  
  
"And I could hold him down while you staked him!", Buffy  
enthused.  
  
"And people say romance is dead", quipped Willow. There was a  
moment's silence as the three of them sat back lost in their own  
thoughts. "Okay then. Enough sitting around depressed. Who wants  
a drink? My treat."  
  
"Me please" said Buffy.  
  
"Me too", added Xander. "If it's big enough, I can drown myself  
in it."  
  
Buffy clapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, none of that", she said.  
"Be like me. Think happy thoughts."  
  
"You? Hell, you've been just as bummed out about Angel as I am  
about Cordelia."  
  
Buffy's face fell. "Well ...", she said hesitantly. "At least I  
_try_ to think happy thoughts." Her shoulders slumped. "It doesn't  
work, though", she admitted, sighing.  
  
Xander looked up at his friend. "Welcome to the pathetic losers  
club of Sunnydale, kiddo. Membership: us."  
  
"Love sucks", she grumbled.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Big time." The two of them slouched in their seats,  
heads resting in their hands.  
  
"Uh, Buff", piped in Willow. "I don't want to interrupt your  
wallowing and all, but weren't we meant to be cheering Xander  
up?"  
  
"Can't talk", said Buffy in a monotone. "Depressed. Need  
chocolate."  
  
"_Hmmm_ chocolate", added Xander in a dreamy voice.  
  
Willow looked at her dejected friends helplessly and sighed.  
"I'll get the coins ..."  
  
*  
  
It was another sunny day at Sunnydale High. Birds still sang, the  
wind still whistled and, near a quiet and surprisingly lovely  
garden bed, a little foot was being stamped. A careful observer  
may even have detected evidence of pouting. The Chosen One was  
not a happy slayer.  
  
"I can't believe it. He's coming over here!"  
  
Willow looked up from the book she was browsing and looked in the  
direction of Buffy's gaze. Sure enough, the mysterious John was  
headed towards them.  
  
"Well, at least we'll get to meet him and find out what Cordelia  
sees in him", she observed. "Maybe he's nice."  
  
"Nice?", said Buffy in a disgusted tone. "He can't be nice, or he  
wouldn't be dating Cordelia."  
  
Willow looked at her, a little confused. "Umm, but Xander dated  
her, and he's nice ..."  
  
"Oh, never mind", said Buffy, waving away her objection and  
quickly motioning her to seeming nonchalance. "Just remember",  
she added in a whisper, "we don't approve of him no matter what."  
  
"Right. Total disapproval", whispered back Willow. "He stole  
Cordelia away from Xander. He's evil, and he must be stopped."  
  
Approaching them, the muscular, wavy-haired youth looked directly  
into their eyes, and then he smiled upon them.  
  
^n^now some smiles are inconsequential, barely noticeable things.  
Others, being forced, are awkward for their insincerity. A few  
smiles, though, are bright, joyful things that never fail to  
bring a matching smile to the faces of those upon whom they are  
bestowed. We may even call them "dazzling" or go so far as to say  
they "light up the room". This smile, were we to rate it, could  
legitimately claim to floodlight a small stadium.  
  
Willow stared, enthralled by John's Adonis-like features. Then  
she swooned. There was no doubt about it. It was a definite swoon  
- complete with dramatic sigh. As if on cue, a gentle breeze  
conspired to play alluringly with his dark, wavy hair. He  
absently ran his fingers through it, obligingly causing the  
material of his t-shirt to stretch ever more tightly across his  
powerfully built chest. The Chosen One, being made of sterner  
stuff, didn't swoon quite as noticeably as she fixed her gaze on  
the young Greek god in front of her, but distinct swoonage did  
indeed take place.  
  
Apparently unaware of the devastating effect that he was having  
on at least two members of the Sunnydale population, John smiled  
some more. Further swooning occurred.  
  
Putting away his smile for a moment, he spoke. "Buffy, Willow,  
hi. I'm John". He had a rich, deep voice that could have made a  
recitation of Mein Kampf romantic. "Cordelia pointed you out to  
me. Say, you haven't seen her, have you?"  
  
There was a moment's silence before Willow gathered her wits  
enough to point towards the gymnasium and mumble something that,  
with some tolerance, could have passed as English in some  
quarters. "Cordelia ... gym ... went."  
  
John smiled upon them again. "Thanks. I'll see if I can find  
her", he said and turned towards the gymnasium, pausing only long  
enough to add "Nice to have met you both". A long silence  
followed as he walked off toward the site of Cordelia's next  
social triumph.  
  
"He was kind of nice", Willow managed to mumble eventually.  
  
"Dream boat", murmured the Slayer before hastily adding "I mean,  
yeah, he's kinda ... nice ... and all. If you like the type ..."  
She trailed off awkwardly.  
  
"You mean tall, well-built hunks with nice buns?", Willow  
queried.  
  
"Yeah ... I ... uh ... _no_! Hey, whose side are you on anyway?"  
  
The sudden arrival of Cordelia from a direction that was totally  
not gymward caused the question to go unanswered. "Buffy, Willow,  
hi. Say, did John come by here a moment ago? I was meant to meet  
him for lunch, but old man Meadows kept us late in math class  
again." She rolled her eyes dramatically. "I so do not care about  
math. It's not like I'm ever going to use it."  
  
Willow frowned, not quite sure which of the dozen or so holes in  
that statement she should point out first. "Ah, you know,  
Cordelia ..."  
  
"Sorry, Will", interrupted Buffy, glaring at Cordelia, "but as  
much as I'd enjoy chatting with slut girl here, I've got better  
things to do. I'll see you in class."  
  
"Hey!" Cordelia remonstrated at the Slayer's retreating form,  
"I'm not a slut!" She glared at Buffy's back and turned to  
Willow. "Tell her!"  
  
Willow shifted awkwardly, surprised by Buffy's uncharacteristic  
hostility, but wanting to defend her all the same. "Well,  
Cordelia, you know, you did dump Xander without warning", she  
said, "and then you started dating John the very same day. That's  
kind of slutty, right?"  
  
"Oh, this is so not fair!" Cordelia stamped a foot and was on the  
verge of a first-class pout when she turned suddenly to Willow.  
"And it's all your fault I'm treated so inconsiderately."  
  
"My fault?", protested Willow, shocked. "It's not my fault." She  
shook her head emphatically as she tried (and failed) to stare  
down the taller girl. "It's not my fault. It can't be. Why is it  
my fault?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. Did no one understand how important her  
happiness was? "Let's just accept that this is entirely your  
fault and discuss how you're going to make it up to me."  
  
Willow glared. "Cordelia, I'm ..."  
  
"Oh, don't apologise," the brunette interrupted. "Just make sure  
that you smooth things over with Buffy. I want to be able to show  
John off to absolutely everyone, and I don't want my social  
triumph spoiled by her jealous griping."  
  
"Jealous? Buffy's not ..."  
  
Cordelia tsked and rolled her eyes theatrically. "Oh, please,  
it's so obvious. Her hunky boyfriend has gone all grrr on us, and  
now she's dateless and pathetic again, so she's jealous of me for  
dating an even bigger hunk."  
  
"No, that's not true", protested Willow. "Well, okay, I mean, it  
_is_ true that Angel's lost his soul and all, and okay Buffy is  
alone, but ... uh, I mean ..." She gave up, flustered. "Oh, well,  
I don't really know what I mean, actually ... but I'm sure  
Buffy's not jealous."  
  
Cordelia looked down at Willow scathingly. "Look, I realise that  
you're selfish enough not to care about _my_ pain, but I assume  
you'll do something to prevent Buffy from becoming even more of a  
social outcast than she already is. Okay?"  
  
"Well, I ..."  
  
"Good. Then it's settled. You'll fix things up so Buffy accepts  
John and I being together, and in return she can be seen in our  
company from time to time -- but not too much, you understand?"  
  
Cordelia smiled, glad that that the matter had been settled.  
"Now, which way did John go?"  
  
*  
  
The Bronze was lively once again. Couples filled the dance floor  
or sprawled casually over furniture, and a variety of  
recreational pharmaceuticals (some covert, others not) were  
ingested by those wanting to reduce themselves to a lesser state  
of coherence. Cordelia and John danced slowly together amid the  
crush of people, arms around each other, heads on each others'  
shoulders, blissfully happy in each other's company.  
  
The Vampire Slayer, though, was not happy. She sat slumped low in  
a chair in a relatively quiet corner of the Bronze, brooding.  
  
"Hi, Buffy."  
  
Buffy jumped, and looked around her. "Oh, hi, Will. I didn't see  
you come in", she said gloomily and sank back into her chair.  
  
"Anything wrong?" Willow said, taking a seat next to her.  
  
"Oh, you know, just thinking."  
  
Willow looked at her friend. "About Angel, huh?"  
  
"No", said Buffy, looking a little guilty.  
  
"What then?"  
  
"Ah, I was thinking about ... ah ... shoes. I was thinking  
totally shoey thoughts."  
  
Willow smiled tolerantly. "A likely story."  
  
Buffy smiled back, her funk fading. "Really", she insisted, not a  
bit seriously, "I was wondering if I'd have time after training  
with Giles tomorrow to dash down to the mall and see the new  
range of shoes." She grinned at her friend, daring her to find  
fault with this claim.  
  
Willow brightened up. "To see or not to see. That is the  
question!"  
  
Buffy looked at her uncomprehendingly. "Huh?"  
  
"It's from Hamlet. You know, for class tomorrow." At the Buffy's  
blank look, she added "You _have_ read Act Three, haven't you?  
We're meant to have read it for tomorrow."  
  
Buffy looked back at her apprehensively. "Bits of it?"  
  
Willow glare at her with mock ferocity. "Which bits?"  
  
"Umm, the title?" Willow glared at her some more. "Well," Buffy  
interjected quickly, "At least I know it's set in Denmark.  
That'll help, right?"  
  
Willow rolled her eyes theatrically. "Come on. If we start now,  
we can get back to my place and get in an hour or so of study."  
  
Buffy slumped yet deeper in her chair. "You're no fun. Need fun.  
Need chocolate."  
  
Willow stood, and held her hand out to her friend. "If you put in  
an hour of study, I'll give you some chocolate ...", she said as  
beguilingly as she could manage.  
  
Buffy rose. "Hmmm, chocolate as a teaching tool. I think that has  
distinct possibilities", Buffy said, brightening a little. "So  
this Hamlet thingy, what's it about?"  
  
"Well, the King of Denmark dies and his wife marries his nasty  
old brother almost before the body's cold. Their son, Hamlet,  
gets pretty ticked off with her." She thought for a moment. "If  
you think about it, it's sort of like what's going on here with  
Xander and Cordelia."  
  
"Oo, and that would make me Hamlet, right?" said Buffy.  
  
"Totally Hamlety", said Willow. "But, you know, Buffy, in the  
play, Hamlet and his mother never reconcile. They end up hating  
each other, and everything ends really badly. It's like this  
whole slayfest at the end." She stopped and looked directly at  
Buffy. "It would kind of be a shame if you and Cordelia ended up  
that way."  
  
Buffy nodded. "I know, Will, but Cordelia's been even more  
loathsome than usual. Okay, she can dump Xander if she wants, but  
dating John the same day is _so_ not cool with me."  
  
Willow sighed. How did Cordelia expect her to fix this? And, for  
that matter, why was it her job to fix it in the first place? It  
wasn't like _she'd_ dumped Xander. She pressed on, though. "Buffy,  
are you sure it's Cordelia you're angry at?"  
  
Buffy looked surprised by the question. "Sure I'm angry at  
Cordelia. Who else would I be angry at?"  
  
"Well", said Willow tentatively, "Cordelia did dump Xander, but  
you've sort of been dumped by Angel. Are you sure that you're not  
taking that out on her?"  
  
Buffy frowned, taken aback by Willow's suggestion. There was a  
long silence that grew awkward. Willow shifted in her seat. "Ah,  
Buffy, I didn't mean to pry. If you don't want to talk about this  
stuff, I understand."  
  
Buffy nodded. "It's kind of a freaky topic for me at the moment,  
Will", she said. "Look, hang on just a moment. I'm going to  
powder my nose before we go."  
  
The Slayer rose and made her way towards the ladies room,  
Willow's comments occupying her thoughts. Had her feelings of  
anger and betrayal towards Angel been transferred to Cordelia?  
Lost in contemplation, she collided with a woman walking towards  
the same door as her. Her hands sprang to her mouth to cover her  
chagrin. "I am _so_ sorry!", she said to the back of the now  
prostrate figure lying at her feet. "I wasn't watching. This is  
all my fault."  
  
"You bet it's your fault! What is your ..." Cordelia Chase's  
voice cut off in mid-sentence as she sat up and saw the identity  
of her assailant. "Oh, it's you", she sighed. "I might have  
known." She groaned as she looked at the dirt staining her dress.  
"Oh, now I'm going to have to wash this."  
  
Buffy looked down at the barely there, little red dress that  
Cordelia was almost wearing. "Well, at least it's not going to  
take too long ...", she muttered.  
  
"Oh, that's right, make fun of my pain", said Cordelia as she  
struggled to her feet. "God, _what_ is your deal?"  
  
Pushing her way past Buffy, Cordelia stormed alone into the  
bathroom. Making her way straight to the large mirror, she ran  
her fingers through her hair. "Look at my hair!" she said to  
herself as she reached for her handbag and fumbled around in it  
until she found her brush. She surveyed herself in the mirror.  
Hair slightly askew, dress the same. All in all, though, not too  
bad. She could see what John saw in her.  
  
She did not, however, see the hand that slid slowly around her  
throat until it was too late. The young-seeming, female vampire  
that had crept out of the cubicle directly behind her had done so  
quietly and, as it cast no reflection in the mirror, quite  
invisibly. Cordelia Chase was not the type of girl to let a mere  
vampire have the advantage, though. Having just been assaulted by  
a vampire slayer, she could deal with a simple vampire.  
Struggling partly free, she bit down hard on its hand and let out  
the loudest, most piercing scream she could.  
  
The creature swore and shook her violently. "Do that again, and  
I'll kill you, bitch!", it snarled.  
  
Cordelia looked straight into the mirror, frowning when she  
couldn't see her assailant. "Are you stupid?", she snapped at the  
unseen creature. "Why wouldn't I scream? You're going to kill me  
anyway!"  
  
"No she isn't."  
  
Turning, Cordelia saw Buffy standing inside the doorway, a  
determined look on her face.  
  
"Buffy! Am I glad to see you!" Cordelia frowned. "Oh, I can't  
believe I just said that", she muttered.  
  
"Cordelia, hairbrush!", Buffy snapped. Cordelia looked down and  
saw the now discarded hairbrush lying at her feet. She kicked it  
towards the door.  
  
"Well, what do you know?", Buffy said, smiling as she picked it  
up. "Wooden handle."  
  
The vampire looked around worriedly. The situation had strangely  
deteriorated in a way that was almost, but not quite entirely,  
not what she expected. She was still looking around frantically  
when the Slayer leapt forward with unnatural speed and plunged  
the wooden stake through her chest. "Oh bugger", she muttered as  
she disappeared in a shower of dust.  
  
"Oo, ick!", complained Cordelia, brushing small particles of the  
now deceased blood sucker from her clothes. "_Why_ do they do  
that?"  
  
"It's a puzzle, isn't it?", said a male voice from the doorway.  
  
Cordelia and Buffy turned in surprise. "John!", they exclaimed in  
unison. Cordelia whispered frantically to Buffy, "Now look what  
you've done! If your monsters have scared John away, I'll never  
talk to you again!"  
  
Buffy glared back at her, offended by her astonishing  
ingratitude. "And that's a threat why?", she countered.  
  
Cordelia glower at her again and pushed her forward. "Explain  
this to him!", she hissed.  
  
Buffy looked up at the statuesque young man in front of her. "Ah,  
John", she began. "Look, this is all really very easy to explain.  
Umm, Cordelia and I were just, ah ..."  
  
"Dusting a vampire?", offered John helpfully.  
  
Buffy and Cordelia's jaws fell open with a near audible clunk.  
  
"I heard Cordelia scream and rushed in just in time to see the  
good bits", he grinned. "Nice job, by the way", he said beaming  
at her.  
  
Unable to help herself, Buffy blushed. Oh god he was so gorgeous!  
She'd idly begun to wonder what he'd look like without his shirt  
on before Cordelia pushed roughly past her and threw herself into  
John's arms. "Oh, John, it was awful, but you were marvellous!"  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. Well, she should have expected no less.  
Making her way past the now inseparably entwined couple, she  
headed for the door and sighed when she realised that she still  
had homework to complete with Willow.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
She turned at the sound of John's voice.  
  
"Just a quick question for you", he said. "I was wondering if you  
knew why vampires don't have a reflection?"  
  
She stopped, puzzled. She didn't know, and it _was_ kind of  
strange now that she thought about it. "I'm not sure", she said.  
"Do you know?"  
  
John smiled, a wonderful but slightly enigmatic smile then nodded  
slowly but made no further attempt to answer.  
  
"Well?", Buffy prompted when no answer was forthcoming.  
  
"I don't think you'd believe me", he replied. He might have said  
more but never got the opportunity as Cordelia pushed between  
them and proceeded to drag John towards the door.  
  
"And I don't believe that you two are having this conversation",  
she muttered. "I been pushed over, attacked, sworn at, and now  
I'll never touch my favourite hairbrush ever again. All thanks to  
you", she said glaring at Buffy. "I _so_ do not want to talk about  
vampires!"  
  
Buffy sighed. Life was so unfair.  
  
*  
  
Cordelia glared at Xander over the top of her English book. How  
dare he glare at her that way. God, but he was such a nothing.  
_What_ had she seen in him? From behind her, an impatient cough  
reminded her that stuffy old Mr Gregory was still waiting on them  
both.  
  
"Cordelia, Xander, you're next. Don't just sit there glaring at  
each other."  
  
The two rose reluctantly from their chairs, each sneaking in a  
final glare over their tattered copies of Hamlet. A bored silence  
fell over the rest of the classroom.  
  
"What have I done, that thou darest wag thy tongue in noise so  
rude against me?", Cordelia read, pointedly staring at her ex.  
  
Xander just as pointedly stared back at her. The audacity of the  
woman to even ask such a question! He took a deep breath. "Such  
an act that blurs the grace and blush of modesty; calls virtue  
hypocrite; takes off the rose from the fair forehead of an  
innocent love, and sets a blister there; makes marriage vows as  
false as dicers' oaths!"  
  
A stunned silence fell over the room.  
  
"Cordelia, Xander, well done! Such enthusiasm. I didn't think you  
two had it in you." Mr Gregory had rarely looked so pleased. "I  
think we have some new contenders for this year's school play,  
everybody. Okay, who's next?"  
  
With a slightly sick look, Cordelia and Xander resumed their  
chairs. Life was so unfair.  
  
*  
  
Giles was worried. While the teenagers under his charge were  
often flighty and sometimes unreliable, it wasn't like them to  
skip one of their regular after-school meetings without at least  
giving him some warning. So it was with some relief that he  
looked up when he heard the library door open and saw Willow  
approaching.  
  
"Oh, Willow. I'm glad it's you. Do you know where Buffy and the  
others are? It's not like them to be this late."  
  
Willow dropped her bags on the floor and sat down dejectedly. "I  
wouldn't worry too much, Giles", she said. "I just don't think  
they want to see each other right now. Things are a bit crazy at  
the moment."  
  
"Crazy?", asked Giles. "Why?"  
  
Willow looked uncomfortable. "Well, it's this thing with Xander  
and Cordelia. They aren't talking, and Cordelia isn't talking to  
Buffy because Buffy said something to Cordelia that perhaps she  
shouldn't have, and I'm trying to convince Buffy to patch things  
up, but I don't think she wants to patch things up, and Xander  
isn't talking to me because ... Oh, no, wait. Xander _is_ talking  
to me."  
  
Giles sat back somewhat dumbfounded by this torrent of social  
information. "Am I to understand that whatever you just said  
means that our meeting isn't going ahead?"  
  
Willow nodded. "It looks that way."  
  
"Well this is quite unacceptable", he insisted. "We had a meeting  
scheduled, and there are things that we need to discuss. I can't  
have business ignored like this. We really must put a stop to  
this." He thought for a moment. "Willow, I want you to talk with  
Buffy and convince her to work out these problems with Cordelia  
and Xander."  
  
Willow shuffled awkwardly. "Ah, sort of tried that already,  
Giles."  
  
"Tried what?", said Buffy walking in through the library's swing  
doors.  
  
"Oh, Buffy, you're here", Willow said, a little uncomfortably.  
"Ah, we were just talking about, ah ..."  
  
"How late you are", said Giles, a little waspishly. "You know,  
Buffy, I do wish that you'd take these things a bit more  
seriously."  
  
"I'm sorry, Giles", said Buffy, staring down at her feet in mock  
dismay. "Do you forgive me?", she said, blinking her eyelashes  
girlishly.  
  
"Oh, stop that", said Giles irritably. "Well, now that you're  
here, we might as well get started. It certainly doesn't look  
like anyone else will turn up today."  
  
They walked over towards the large table and seated themselves.  
"Actually, Giles, I have a question", said Buffy.  
  
"Oh, yes?"  
  
"I want to know why vampires don't cast reflections in the  
mirror", she said.  
  
Giles looked up at her. "Actually, that's quite an interesting  
question", he said, a sense of enthusiasm beginning to replace  
his previous irritation.  
  
Buffy smiled. "That's me. Interesting-question girl."  
  
Willow looked on thoughtfully. "Yeah, why is that, Giles? None of  
the books on magic I've read have talked about that."  
  
Giles looked at her a little concerned. "Willow, _why_ have you  
been reading books on magic?", he asked primly.  
  
Willow quickly lowered her gaze and squirmed uncomfortably. "Ah,  
no reason", she said unconvincingly. Giles pierced her with an  
intense stare and looked like he was going to pursue the topic,  
before Buffy waded in in defence of her friend.  
  
"The reason I asked", she said quickly, "is that we had a bit of  
vamp action at the Bronze last night."  
  
Giles looked at her concerned, the previous topic quickly  
forgotten. "Was anyone hurt?", he inquired.  
  
"Well, Cordy got a bit of a shock when she went to the ladies  
room and found a vamp in there ready to bite her." At her  
friends' looks of concern she continued quickly. "She's okay  
though." She paused. "Well, as okay as Cordy will ever be."  
  
"You dealt with the vampire, I presume?", said Giles.  
  
Buffy shrugged, "Yeah, no biggie. Oh, I did get one surprise,  
though", she said. "John walked in on us and didn't seem phased  
by seeing a vampire turn to dust."  
  
"That is surprising", said Giles.  
  
"You bet!", enthused Willow. "I mean, what was John doing in the  
_ladies_ room?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Don't worry, Will. Only at the end. He heard  
Cordelia scream and came in just in time to see me waste the  
vamp."  
  
Giles put down the book he'd been browsing. "I don't know when  
John could have learned about vampires", he said thoughtfully.  
"Hasn't he only been here for a week or so?"  
  
"Perhaps he learned about them somewhere else?", said Buffy.  
  
"It's possible, I suppose." Giles looked thoughtful for a moment.  
"Oh well, it's probably nothing to worry about. It doesn't sound  
like he's going to raise a fuss."  
  
Buffy nodded. "So, how about it?"  
  
"How about what?", said Giles.  
  
Buffy folded her arms across her chest and looked at him with  
mock disapproval. "You know, Giles, I do wish that you'd take  
these things a bit more seriously", she said, a small smile  
flashing across her lips.  
  
Giles gave her an exasperated look.  
  
"Mirrors?", she prompted.  
  
"Oh, yes, the mirror question", he said. "Well, to the best of my  
knowledge, it's never been properly explained. The most common  
belief is that it's some form of magic. Perhaps a way of letting  
vampires sneak up on their victims?"  
  
Buffy nodded, satisfied by the explanation. Giles, though,  
continued thoughtfully. "Nonetheless, I'll do a bit of digging  
and see what I can turn up." He turned to Willow, "Willow, why  
don't you do a bit of searching around in the school records to  
see if there's something in there that might explain how John  
knows about vampires."  
  
Willow nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, I can do that."  
  
"Well", said Buffy. "Looks like that makes me free-time girl."  
She stood as if to leave. "I'll be off then."  
  
Giles harumphed. "No you won't", he said. "As I recall, it's been  
almost a week since you last had a training session." Buffy's  
face fell, a protest dying inaudible on her lips as he continued  
on relentlessly. "You can start with a 30 minute warm up then  
we'll do an hour of weapons training."  
  
Buffy glared at her watcher's back as he returned to his office.  
  
"And don't glare at me like that", he said without turning, "or  
I'll make it two hours."  
  
*  
  
The sword hurtled towards her face. She ducked at the last  
moment, crouched down, shot out one leg and swept his feet out  
from under him.  
  
Giles fell to the ground with a resounding thud.  
  
Buffy stood over him and smiled a wicked smile. "That was fun!",  
she said. "Can we play some more?"  
  
Giles groaned as he reached up to the proffered hand and hauled  
himself to his feet. "No, I think that's quite enough for one  
day", he said. "Quite enough for me anyway", he mumbled.  
  
Buffy grinned. "Didn't quite catch that last bit, Giles."  
  
Giles looked at her ruefully. "Very droll", he responded  
dolefully, while pushing a hand into small of his now-aching  
back.  
  
"Ah, guys?"  
  
Buffy and Giles turned towards the familiar voice. Willow, almost  
forgotten in the corner of the library, pointed at the computer  
screen that had occupied her attention during their training  
session. "Now that you're finished, I've got some things to show  
you."  
  
"Did you find anything interesting regarding John?", asked Giles,  
limping slightly as he made his way over towards her.  
  
Willow frowned. "Well, yes and no", she said, an unsatisfied look  
on her face. "I've found some records that have been transferred  
from his previous school. There's a glowing yearbook entry, a  
reference to his winning a scholarship, two entries about  
sporting trophies ..."  
  
"Yeah, he's Mr Perfect, isn't he?", said Buffy a little dreamily.  
  
"Well, that's what's strange about this", said Willow. "He may be  
a bit too perfect."  
  
"What you mean, Willow?", asked Giles.  
  
Willow pointed to the screen in frustration. "Well, there's  
nothing _bad_ in here. Nothing at all."  
  
"So it's kind of like _my_ record then", said Buffy, a hopeful look  
on her face.  
  
Willow looked at her friend and shook her head. "Oh no, _your_  
record is a lot longer."  
  
Buffy frowned. "That's good, right?"  
  
Willow gave her friend a supportive if somewhat tentative smile  
then gestured back to the screen. "His record just isn't long  
enough. There's no detail here. There are no comments from  
teachers -- good _or_ bad -- no details about his past schooling, no  
medical history. It's just the bare essentials."  
  
Giles didn't seem particularly concerned. "Perhaps his record was  
lost, Willow, or just not transferred across in full. It's not  
unknown for the bureaucracy to lose student records."  
  
Willow nodded thoughtfully. "It could be, but I did some other  
checking, and there's not much information about him anywhere  
else either. For example, his parents are listed, but there's no  
contact information for them."  
  
"Perhaps they don't have a phone?", said Buffy.  
  
"They don't have birth certificates either", added Willow. "And  
they're not recorded as having purchased any property in  
Sunnydale. I mean, sure, they may be renting, but it's just  
another piece of missing information. There's almost nothing  
about John or his family in any of the databases that I've  
searched. Most of us leave footprints everywhere, but John barely  
exists."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Could he be a demon of some kind who's trying to  
pass for human?"  
  
Giles looked tentative. "Well, I suppose it's possible, but from  
what I know of him, he seems rather too _nice_ to be a demon. I  
mean, why would a demon go to school?"  
  
Willow nodded reluctantly, and Giles continued. "I think it's a  
bit of a long shot to conclude that he's a demon just because  
he's a bit enigmatic." Absent-mindedly, Giles removed his glasses  
and began to polish them. "Mind you, he could be using a charisma  
spell to make himself more popular."  
  
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, he's certainly not short on popularity."  
  
"I tell you what", said Giles. "Willow, you keep looking around  
to see if you can find some more information about him, and I'll  
conduct the necessary magic rituals to see if he's using a  
charisma spell of some kind."  
  
"I'll just bet he is", whispered Willow to Buffy. "John's  
probably got a long nose, green skin and warts!"  
  
*  
  
God but John was handsome.  
  
Smiling, Cordelia slipped her hand into his as they walked to  
their table. Sunnydale had several excellent restaurants, but The  
Witch's Cauldron was certainly the finest. She'd been delighted  
when he told her where they were going. The dim lighting, the  
chic décor and the piano playing softly in the corner combined to  
produce a sense of romance that was quite unlike any of her  
previous dates.  
  
"You look particularly lovely tonight", he said.  
  
Cordelia Chase blushed. Boys had been telling her things like  
that for as long as she could remember. With John, though, it was  
like she was hearing it for the first time. No, she reflected, it  
was like she _believed_ for the first time that the compliment was  
sincere. He was the first boy she'd met who seemed to weigh his  
words before he spoke them.  
  
She smiled. "Why thank you, kind sir. And may I say how debonair  
you look."  
  
He nodded, taking the compliment unselfconsciously. Approaching  
their table, he pulled her chair out for her and waited while she  
sat. Her other dates never did that. He took his own seat, and  
she watched him as he adjusted his tuxedo. That was another  
surprise. No boy had ever worn a tuxedo on a date with her  
before.  
  
Cordelia found herself smiling again. For reasons she couldn't  
quite understand, she felt insanely happy. If she wasn't careful,  
she was going to start giggling.  
  
*  
  
"Hey, Giles. What's up?"  
  
Rupert Giles looked up from the patch of floor that he had, he  
now realised, been staring at for some moments. Dozens of  
students flowed back and forth along the busy school corridor,  
all seemingly ignoring him as they bustled past. All but one.  
  
"Hello, Buffy", he said absently.  
  
"So how'd it go?", she asked.  
  
"Sorry?", he said, looking a little ruffled. "How did what go?"  
  
"You know", said Buffy whispering and moving a little closer.  
"The charisma spell. Is John really a big ol' demon with a long  
tail and horns?"  
  
"Oh, no, actually he's not", he said puzzled. "At least not that  
I could tell. He seems completely human, and I couldn't detect  
any magic around him at all."  
  
Buffy's face fell. "Oh phooey." She frowned then spoke up again.  
"What about that other thing?"  
  
"The mirrors?", asked Giles.  
  
"Read my mind", said Buffy nodding.  
  
"Well, I'm afraid I'm not having much luck with that either", he  
admitted. "Leave it with me a while longer, and I'll get back to  
you", he said absently.  
  
"Giles, are you okay? You seem a little distracted."  
  
"Okay? Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just a bit perturbed by something I  
read." He stopped and stared absent-mindedly into the distance  
for a moment. "Or perhaps I didn't really read it at all?", he  
mumbled as he wandered off, lost in thought.  
  
Buffy shrugged. Sometimes she really didn't understand the  
British.  
  
*  
  
"Buffy, behind you!"  
  
Buffy span, just in time to see the final vamp hurtling towards  
her. She dropped to her knees, and the creature's momentum  
carried it over the top of her causing it to land heavily in the  
grass nearby. She spun again and hurled herself, outstretched, at  
the creature. Landing atop of it before it could struggle away,  
she grappled with it, trying to manoeuvre it into a position  
where it could be staked. The creature was surprisingly strong,  
though, and she found herself struggling against it. With brute  
strength, it began to force her away. Within moments, it would  
manage to roll them both over so that it was on top of her.  
  
There was only one thing to do. She gave in.  
  
They rolled, and the foul creature, surprised by the sudden lack  
of resistance, grinned as it found itself sitting atop her.  
  
"You're mine now, Slayer!", it drooled.  
  
Buffy smiled. "I don't think so ..."  
  
The creature frowned, bothered by the incongruously chipper  
sentiment from the human beneath it. It was still frowning as the  
wooden stake slid through its back causing it to explode in a  
shower of vampire dust. A moment's silence followed the  
creature's spectacular demise.  
  
"Thanks, Xander", said Buffy, reaching up a hand to her friend.  
  
"No problem", he said as he pulled her to her feet. "Nice move  
rolling like that so I could stake him."  
  
"I knew you'd be there for me", she said quietly.  
  
A slow clapping caused them both to turn. "How sickeningly  
noble", smirked Angelus, stepping out from behind a large oak.  
"The Boy Wonder saves Batman again."  
  
Buffy's mouth tightened into a hard, resolved line. "Why are you  
here, Angelus?"  
  
He smiled back at her. "Because I want to be. Because I can be",  
he said. "Because I want you to know that I'll be watching you,  
right up to the moment I decide to kill you."  
  
Xander bent down and retrieved the wooden stake from amid the  
small pile of vampire ashes. He tested the point with his thumb.  
"Well, what do you know", he said calmly, "Still pointy." He  
turned to Buffy. "I say we take him now. Let's end this."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Not yet. Soon though."  
  
Angelus smiled. "Be seeing you, Buff. Count on it."  
  
*  
  
Giles paced the library floor as he waited for Xander to be  
seated with the rest of the group. Buffy studied him intently and  
leaned over towards Willow. "I've haven't seen him like this in a  
long time", she whispered. "He looks ... umm ..."  
  
"Pouty?", prompted Willow, smiling.  
  
Buffy smiled back. "Ah, not quite the effect I was going for,  
Will. Actually, I think he's worried about something." Speaking  
up, she said, "Giles, is everything okay?"  
  
Giles turned and looked at her, "Hmm?", he inquired, evidently  
not having heard the question. "Did you say something, Buffy?"  
  
Buffy folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, Giles, this is  
getting weird", she said. "You've been distracted-guy for the  
last week. What's going on?"  
  
Giles sighed and took a seat at the table. "Oh, nothing amiss",  
he said. "Actually, it has to do with your earlier question about  
why vampires don't have reflections in mirrors."  
  
Xander looked surprised. "And that's got you all worried?", he  
asked.  
  
"No", replied Giles slowly. "It's just that the explanation has  
me somewhat puzzled."  
  
"Well don't keep us in suspense", said Xander. "What is it?"  
  
"Come on, Giles, spill", said Buffy. "How come there's no  
reflection?"  
  
"Well", said Giles, "According to the Watchers Council, there  
seems to be three explanations that have been taken seriously in  
modern times."  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, there couldn't be just one,  
could there?"  
  
Willow frowned and _tsked_ at Xander. "Go on, Giles", she said,  
leaning forward.  
  
"The first explanation", he began, "is that vampires don't have a  
reflection because vampires aren't really there. Their bodies are  
just an illusion created by the demon, so they cast no  
reflection."  
  
There was a moment of stunned silence. "You're kidding, right?",  
insisted Xander. "I feel compelled to point out here that I've  
had the stuffing beaten out of me by these illusions!"  
  
"Me too!", added Willow emphatically.  
  
Giles nodded. "Yes, I tend to agree. It doesn't seem very likely  
does it? I mean, we all know from personal experience just how  
solid vampires are."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah. No doubting that."  
  
"So what's the next explanation, Giles?", asked Willow.  
  
"The second explanation", he continued, "is that vampires _do_  
cast a reflection, but they use magic of some kind to cause us  
not to see it."  
  
"Now we're talking", said Xander. "That sounds more sensible.  
Right guys?", he said looking around at his companions.  
  
Willow nodded her head in agreement. "I like that explanation",  
she said. "It fits in with what we know."  
  
Giles looked unconvinced. "The most frequently voiced objection,  
though, is that vampires, as a general rule, are not known for  
their use of magic."  
  
Buffy nodded. "He's right, Will. How many of the vamps we've  
dusted could do spells?"  
  
Willow frowned. "Well", she said, "perhaps they can only do one  
spell?" The others looked sceptical. "You know", she went on  
enthusiastically, "perhaps it's like breathing? Perhaps it's just  
something they know how to do?"  
  
"Ah, vampires don't breathe, Will", pointed out Xander.  
  
"Oh, you know what I mean", she said, frowning at him. She turned  
to Giles, looking for support. "Come on, Giles", she pleaded.  
"Surely you don't believe that vampires are just an illusion? Do  
you?"  
  
Giles chewed thoughtfully on the arm of his glasses for a moment  
before answering. "No", he said slowly. "No, I think that's most  
unlikely."  
  
"So you agree with Will?", said Xander. "You think they use  
magic?"  
  
"Hang on", said Buffy. "Didn't you say they were _three_  
explanations, Giles?"  
  
Giles nodded. "Yes, that's right. There is a third explanation  
that's been proposed quite recently, but it's considered quite  
radical and has very little support."  
  
"So what is it, Giles?", Buffy prompted, when he made no attempt  
to continue.  
  
Giles shifted awkwardly in his seat. "I should say up-front that  
I find this next explanation somewhat far fetched".  
  
"Still waiting to hear what it is, Giles", Buffy prompted again.  
  
"Well, it goes like this", he said. "According to the laws of  
physics, all objects cast at least some reflection in a mirror.  
Vampires are objects, so vampires should cast a reflection. They  
don't, so it follows that vampires are violating the laws of  
physics."  
  
There was a surprised silence in the room. "But that's  
impossible, Giles", protested Willow. "Nothing can violate the  
laws of physics."  
  
Giles look at her. "Yes, that's the usual response", he said.  
"The usual reply, though, is that nothing in _this_ world can  
violate the laws of physics. Something from beyond this world,  
though, might not be subject to them."  
  
Buffy looked at him strangely. "Are you saying that some being  
from another _world_ made vampires?"  
  
Giles shrugged. "Is it really any more difficult to believe in  
than magic or that vampires are illusions?"  
  
"Yes!", insisted Willow. "After all, magic is _real_. It's a lot  
simpler to accept the second explanation. Vampires don't have  
reflections in mirrors because they use magic to hide them."  
  
Xander nodded. "I'm with you, Will", he said. "All this talk of  
other worlds is way too existential." There was a moment's  
silence before all eyes in the room turned towards him. He stared  
back at them defiantly for a moment before slumping in his seat.  
"Okay, okay", he admitted. "I have no idea what _existential_  
means. I was just trying to pretend I knew what the hell was  
going on!"  
  
Buffy smiled. "Don't worry, Xander", she said. "I think this is  
weird for everyone."  
  
"I agree", added Giles, standing. "Why don't we all take some  
time to think about it. After all, it's not important."  
  
*  
  
John slammed his locker shut and laughed.  
  
"No really! That's just the way it happened", insisted Cordelia.  
"Everyone was running around in their Halloween costumes acting  
all crazy." John continued to laugh, and she punched him  
playfully on the arm. "Why won't you believe me, you brute? Stop  
laughing at me!"  
  
He put his arm around her shoulders, and gave her a playful  
squeeze. "Ah, Cordy, I do believe you."  
  
"Then why are you laughing at me, you fink?", she asked, smiling.  
  
"I'm not laughing at you, love. I just get a kick out of the way  
you tell it", he said, still chuckling.  
  
Cordelia turned towards him and slipped both of her arms around  
his waist. She kissed him quickly. "I love the fact that you  
listen to me", she said happily.  
  
John looked into her eyes. "Sorry, did you say something?"  
  
"John!", Cordelia shrieked, punching him hard on the arm once  
more.  
  
"Ow! What was that for?", he said, trying not to chuckle.  
  
"You know very well, you rat. You know I don't like being  
ignored."  
  
John gathered her close to him and kissed her soundly. "You know  
that I could never ignore you, Cordy. I ..."  
  
"Ahem."  
  
They looked up at the sound. "Oh, it's you", said Cordelia  
waspishly.  
  
"Sorry, is this a bad time?", said Buffy looking awkward. "I can  
come back later?"  
  
"How about you just don't come back at all?", suggested Cordelia.  
  
John gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Now, now", he said. "Let's  
all try to be friends." He turned to Buffy. "What can we do for  
you, Buffy?", he said in a friendly tone.  
  
Buffy looked down at her feet. "Actually", she said, "this is  
going to sound silly ..."  
  
"There's a surprise" said Cordelia, quietly.  
  
Buffy continued on, "... but I've been giving a lot of thought to  
your question about vampires not having reflections in mirrors."  
  
"Ah", said John, knowingly. "I wondered if that'd stir up a  
hornet's nest."  
  
"It kind of has", admitted Buffy. "Can I get your take on a  
couple of possible answers?", she asked.  
  
"Sure", said John. "Go ahead."  
  
"Do you think that vampires might be illusions?", said Buffy.  
"You know, that they might not really be there. Just illusions  
created by the demon inside them?"  
  
John shook his head. "No, not a chance", he said confidently.  
"Vampires are just as real as you and I."  
  
Buffy nodded in agreement. "Kind of what I thought, too", she  
said. "Do you think then that perhaps they really do have  
reflections, but that they hide them using magic?"  
  
Once again, John shook his head. "No, very few vampires can use  
magic. And besides, if you know enough magic to hide your  
reflection, wouldn't it be more useful just to hide yourself?"  
  
Buffy nodded again. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense", she said,  
looking glum.  
  
"Any other guesses?", John asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Nothing sensible", she said.  
  
Cordelia stepped in between them. "Then don't let us keep you",  
she said pointedly.  
  
Buffy gave John a grim smile. "Thanks for your time", she said.  
"I guess I'll just have to give it more thought." She shrugged,  
"Anyway, it's not important."  
  
*  
  
"Thank you for coming so quickly. I think this is rather  
important."  
  
"What's up, Giles?", said Willow, looking a little anxious. "Your  
message said it was urgent."  
  
"Found some new vampire action for us?", asked Xander cheerfully.  
"We're the people to call."  
  
Giles shook his head as he paced nervously alongside the table.  
"No, nothing like that", he said. "I think it might be far more  
serious, actually."  
  
Xander, Willow and Buffy exchanged concerned looks. "What is it,  
Giles?", asked Buffy. "What's wrong?"  
  
Giles stopped pacing and seated himself at the head of the table.  
He took a deep breath. "I've been in continued contact with the  
Council. After some fairly forceful requests on my part, they've  
consented to release further information to me regarding the  
matter of vampires not having reflections in mirrors."  
  
Xander shrugged. "Is that all?", he said confused. "I mean, it's  
interesting and all, but it's hardly end-of-the-world stuff."  
  
Buffy nodded in agreement. "Xander's right. Aren't you taking  
this whole thing a bit too seriously?"  
  
Giles looked down at his hands and took a deep breath as if  
preparing himself to deliver bad news. "I wish I was", he said  
quietly, "but the new information I've received makes me think  
that maybe it really is end-of-the-world stuff. Perhaps in a very  
literal sense."  
  
There was a silence as everyone digested this news. Willow spoke  
up, "It's okay, Giles. We've dealt with some pretty serious stuff  
before. We'll deal with this too."  
  
Xander patted her on the arm supportively. "Well said, Will." He  
looked over at Giles, "What's the goss from the Council, Giles?  
We can take it."  
  
Giles removed his glasses and began polishing them nervously  
"You'll recall, I'm sure", he said, "that one of the explanations  
put forward by the Council was that vampires existed in defiance  
of the laws of physics as we understand them."  
  
There was a nodding off heads and a general murmur of assent.  
Buffy spoke up, "Are you saying that the Council thinks that's  
true?", she asked, not quite managing to hide a sceptical tone.  
  
"Some few members of the Council do", he said, "but I'm afraid it  
goes rather further than that. It shouldn't be possible for  
something that's in clear violation of the laws of nature to  
calmly coexist with the rest of the world."  
  
Willow nodded. "Right", she said, "It's impossible. That's why I  
think magic is still the most likely explanation."  
  
Giles nodded. "And most of the Council agrees with you. They  
can't accept that anything could exist in violation of the laws  
of physics. Not having a reflection in the mirror is a clear  
violation of those laws; therefore, the situation doesn't exist.  
Vampires must have a reflection, and if we can't see it, they  
must be using magic to hide it."  
  
Buffy frowned. "I'm sensing you don't agree though."  
  
Giles lent back in his chair. "To be honest, I don't know what I  
believe any more. While I can see holes in the magical  
explanation, the alternative seems far more disturbing."  
  
Xander shook his head in confusion. "Am I missing something here?  
So what if some boffins can't agree on what the laws of physics  
are? I sure as hell don't understand them. Why should anyone  
else?"  
  
"Got to agree with Xander on this one, Giles", added Buffy. "It's  
curious, but I don't think that it's all that important."  
  
"Ah, forgive me", said Giles. "I really haven't explained this  
all that well. It's not that we don't understand _which_ laws of  
physics explain vampires not having reflections. Rather, the  
suggestion is that _no_ laws explain it. It's more in the nature of  
a miracle -- something that shouldn't happen, yet does."  
  
Xander threw up his hands in frustration. "You're kidding, right?  
You're not saying that vampires fall into the same category as,  
ah, walking on water or bringing people back from the dead?"  
  
Giles shook his head. "One can debate whether or not those  
historical miracles actually happened, but it's certain that  
vampires don't appear to have reflections. If we accept that  
magic isn't involved, we must accept that vampires violate the  
laws of physics. There's a small group in the Council that feels  
this way, and they have reluctantly come to some very disturbing  
conclusions."  
  
"I can tell I'm not going to like this", mumbled Xander to  
himself.  
  
"This small group", said Giles, "has come to the rather shocking  
conclusion that if the laws of physics are routinely being  
violated -- and it appears they are -- then the most reasonable  
explanation is that the world is not real."  
  
Stunned silence followed. "The reason that vampires don't cast  
reflections in mirrors", Giles continued, "is that the laws of  
physics in this world appear -- to some degree at least -- to be  
arbitrary or made up. They're not consistent because they don't  
need to be. A splinter group in the Council has concluded that  
our entire world is a construct of some kind. Artificial. A  
fiction that has been created by beings in a reality outside this  
one."  
  
*  
  
"More cake, anyone?", asked Joyce.  
  
Xander put his hand on his belly and groaned theatrically. "No  
thanks. If I have another bite, I'll explode."  
  
Willow nodded in agreement. "Me too."  
  
"Now there's a pleasant mental image", said Buffy grimacing. "I  
guess that means we're all done. Thanks."  
  
"Yeah, thanks Mrs Summers", added Willow as Joyce retreated to  
the kitchen. The three sat sprawled on the couch in contented  
silence for a moment.  
  
"I don't know about the Council", said Xander patting his belly,  
"but this certainly feels real enough."  
  
"I think the whole thing is nonsense", said Willow emphatically.  
  
"I'm with you, Will", said Xander. "It's all navel gazing. What  
about you, Buff?"  
  
Buffy considered the question. "It does seem pretty freaky,  
doesn't it", she said. "Still, it would explain quite a bit."  
  
"For example?" said Xander.  
  
"Well, there are so many things that have happened in the last  
couple of years that have been really strange", she said. "I  
mean, just recently, there was that robot Ted. None of us ever  
really questioned it, but isn't that sort of thing meant to be  
impossible?"  
  
Willow looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, I sort of wondered about that  
myself", she admitted. "We should be generations away from smart  
robots like that."  
  
Buffy nodded. "And what about the people here in Sunnydale. No  
one ever seems to notice all of the weird things that happen. Or  
if they do, they just seem to ignore it or forget about it."  
  
"Yeah", said Xander. "I mean, how can people forget about some of  
the things that have happened? I'm still having nightmares about  
a dozen different things, but most of the people in Sunnydale act  
like everything's peachy."  
  
"And then there's magic", added Buffy. "It shouldn't be possible  
either. Isn't it another one of these violations of the rules of  
physics that Giles keeps talking about?"  
  
Willow shook her head emphatically. "But magic is _real_", she  
insisted. "We've all seen Giles do it. Miss Calender could do it.  
With a bit of practice, I think I can learn to do it too."  
  
Buffy nodded. "I think that's the whole point, Will. Giles is  
saying that things like this _shouldn't_ be possible, but they're  
happening anyway. Magic, memory loss, mirrors, even vampires  
themselves. I think he's saying that it all adds up to signs of  
tampering."  
  
Willow looked reflective. "I guess", she said, "but you don't  
actually believe that the world isn't real, do you?", she  
insisted.  
  
"No", admitted Buffy after a moment's thought, "but there are  
certainly some things going on that are hard to explain."  
  
Willow shrugged. "Can't argue with that", she said. "But I don't  
think it really changes anything important. We're all still the  
same people. We're just as real today as we were yesterday."  
  
"But how real _is_ that?", asked Buffy.  
  
"But that's my point", insisted Willow. "We can't prove whether  
the world is real or not, so it's pointless to argue about  
whether it was created by someone in some other world that may or  
may not exist. We can't even prove if there are other worlds."  
  
Xander frowned and shook his head. "Not sure that I agree with  
you there, Will", he said.  
  
Buffy nodded. "Xander's right. There's at least one other reality  
that we know of -- the demon dimensions. Perhaps this world was  
created by someone there?"  
  
"Or some other reality altogether", added Xander. "Hell, they  
might even be watching us now." Everyone shifted uncomfortably.  
"Our whole world could be like an aquarium or a zoo to them -  
just something they watch for entertainment in their idle  
moments."  
  
A depressed silence followed.  
  
*  
  
The doorbell sounded. Buffy stepped back from the large oak  
doorway and admired the immaculate garden and expensive fittings  
around her. She hadn't realised that John's family was so  
wealthy. The house was huge, and the gardens looked immaculate.  
  
"Buffy, nice to see you."  
  
She turned to find the door open and John smiling out at her.  
God, this guy was gorgeous, smart, athletic _and_ rich. "John, uh,  
hi", she said, surprised by how nervous she felt. She shuffled  
her feet awkwardly. "Look, do you have time to talk?"  
  
He smiled in that always-charming way of his. "Sure." Opening the  
door wide, he gestured her into the house. "Come on in."  
  
Stepping inside, it was all she could do not to exclaim out loud.  
As lovely as his home looked on the outside, the inside was even  
more magnificent. There was a sense of opulence about it that  
made her think of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.  
  
"Sorry the place is a bit of a mess", said John with a twinkle in  
his eye. "It's the butler's day off." Buffy looked at him  
strangely, not quite sure if he was joking with her. He had a  
butler?  
  
"Would you like a quick tour?"  
  
Buffy smiled and shook her head. "Thanks, but no. I'm meeting the  
gang in a few minutes. Actually, I just stopped in here on a  
whim. I wanted to ask you about mirrors again."  
  
John smiled knowingly. "Ah, I thought it might have been  
something like that." He gestured her towards the nearest sofa.  
"Any new theories?", he said.  
  
Buffy shifted awkwardly. "It's going to sound really weird."  
  
John shrugged. "I'm pretty hard to surprise."  
  
"Well", she said tentatively, "I know it's silly, but with all  
the funky things that happen around here, I was wondering what  
you'd think of the notion that, perhaps, the world, maybe, wasn't  
entirely real ..."  
  
There was a long moment's silence while John simply looked at  
her.  
  
Buffy got to her feet. "Oh that sounds stupid now that I hear  
myself say it." She started to move towards the door. "I'm sorry  
I ..."  
  
"I agree", said John simply.  
  
Buffy stopped and stared. "You do?", she said dumbly. She wasn't  
sure what she should feel. Part of her was pleased that John  
didn't just laugh at her. Another part, though, sank at the  
prospect of what that implied.  
  
John nodded. "It's the only explanation that fits all the facts.  
What was it that Sherlock Holmes said? 'When you have eliminated  
the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the  
truth.' "  
  
Buffy lent against the door. "You know, I'd have been a lot  
happier if you'd just laughed at me."  
  
*  
  
"... and it was like he'd already reached the same conclusion. He  
wasn't the least bit surprised by it."  
  
Giles and the others looked sombre, somewhat taken aback by  
Buffy's comments. All of a sudden, something that had started out  
as merely an interesting puzzle had become deadly earnest.  
  
Giles removed his glasses and stared at them for a moment. "I  
confess", he said quietly, "that I'm not really sure where to go  
with this."  
  
"Couldn't we contact the Council and ask them?", said Xander  
hopefully.  
  
John walked in through the library doors. "And what would you ask  
them, Xander?"  
  
The group straightened reflexively. What had he heard? Xander  
looked to the others for some clue as to how to proceed.  
Receiving none, he simply said, "Umm, I'd ask them about library  
funding", he replied quickly. "Can't have enough of that."  
  
Willow leaned across to him. "Good save", she whispered quietly.  
  
John smiled. "Yes, it was wasn't it."  
  
Willow shuffled awkwardly. "Whoops", she mumbled quietly.  
  
"Don't worry", continued John. "I know why you're here."  
  
Xander shook his head. "You couldn't guess the half of it", he  
said confidently.  
  
A smile broke John's face. "Buffy is the current Vampire Slayer.  
Giles is her watcher, and you were thinking about contacting the  
Council of Watchers in England."  
  
"Okay," said Xander shrinking back into his chair, "maybe you  
could."  
  
Giles stood up and looked directly at John. "How is it that you  
know all of this?"  
  
John smiled wryly. "You'd be surprised what I know", he said.  
"Don't worry, though, I'm not here to cause any trouble. In fact,  
I decided to come here because I think there are some things that  
you deserve to be told."  
  
"I'd still like to hear how you know about the Council", said  
Giles, gesturing him towards the seat.  
  
John nodded as he took a chair. "I think that will become obvious  
as I tell you the rest of it", he said. He surveyed the group  
slowly and then nodded to himself as if coming to a decision.  
"Earlier today", he continued, "I told Buffy that I didn't  
believe that the world was real. I neglected, however, to tell  
her _why_ I felt that way."  
  
Buffy leaned forward, intrigued. "And you'll tell us now?"  
  
John nodded. "After you left, I gave it some thought, and I  
believe you all deserve to know the truth. So here it is. Not  
only do I believe that the world isn't real, I _know_ it isn't."  
  
Willow snorted sceptically. "How could you possibly know that?"  
  
John looked directly at her. "I know the world isn't real ...  
because I created it."  
  
There was a general exhalation of held breath as the others all  
slumped in their chairs disappointed. "Okaaay ...", said Willow  
rolling her eyes.  
  
Xander coughed loudly into his hand, making a sound that if  
charitably interpreted might have sounded a little cough-ish and  
not entirely like the word "crazy".  
  
Giles cleared his throat discreetly while trying to maintain a  
straight face. "Yes, well thank you, John, for that useful  
insight. I'm sure we'll all take that into account when, umm, we  
next need to discuss something with a deity."  
  
Buffy and Willow smiled into their hands as Xander tried, none to  
successfully, to hide a snigger. Far from being taken aback, John  
merely smiled tolerantly. "Yes, I know how ridiculous it sounds",  
he admitted, seemingly not at all perturbed by their reaction. "I  
hope, though, that you'll hear me out. After all, not a little  
while ago, you yourselves were seriously questioning whether the  
world was even real."  
  
A sense of unease settled on the room as its other occupants  
began to realise that he was not acting quite like a raving  
lunatic should. "You can't be serious?", said Willow. "You don't  
honestly expect us to believe that you created the world?"  
  
John nodded, still straight faced. "That's exactly what I'm  
asking you to believe."  
  
Willow threw up her hands. "Giles, this is ridiculous!"  
  
Giles nodded in agreement. "Yes, I rather think it is." Turning  
to John he said, "Still, I would like to know how you knew about  
the Council."  
  
John settled back into his chair. "Back in the real world, I was  
a writer", he began. "For years, I had this half-written story in  
my head about a vampire slayer, but I could never quite make it  
work. It always lacked detail, reality. I tried to write it down  
countless times, but I was never happy with it." He looked down  
absently for a moment before continuing. "I could never balance  
the need for dramatic intensity with the comic and action themes  
I wanted. Anyway, the story remained unfinished for years.  
Eventually, though, I hit upon the idea of generating new  
storylines and ideas by modelling the main characters as computer  
simulations ..."  
  
"Oh, come on!", interrupted Willow. "You're not going to try to  
tell me that you magicked this all up on your home PC, I hope!"  
  
John smiled, tolerantly. "No. Actually, the first neural  
simulations ran as a distributed process across the net. At  
varying times, there were up to six or seven thousand machines  
computing the process." As their sceptical gazes became confused,  
he said, "Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. May I continue?"  
  
Willow nodded, still disbelieving, but now more uncertain.  
  
"Well, to make a long story short, I worked with some friends to  
create detailed simulations of the main characters in the story.  
The initial simulation provided each character with a simplified  
neural architecture -- what we called a synaptic map. There was  
the Slayer, her watcher, her friends, an antagonist and a couple  
of others. There were no pictures, you understand -- the end  
result was just a series of realistic textual interactions  
between the characters. We could set up a scene and then see how  
the different characters would react when put into that scene. At  
first, we could usually predict what their reactions would be  
from our knowledge of their mental models. Later, though, the  
reactions became more sophisticated, multilayered, and included  
things we didn't expect. Over time, as the mental models became  
more experienced, the characters seemed more and more realistic."  
  
John paused as he gathered his thoughts. "The simulation  
succeeded in providing me with enough inspiration to finally  
write the story that had been in me for so long. Once I'd  
finished it, I pitched it as a movie prospect, and one of the big  
studios picked it up. It became a film, and got worldwide  
distribution. It grossed pretty well, but it wasn't as successful  
as I'd hoped."  
  
He spread his hands in a self-deprecating gesture. "In hindsight,  
the Slayer character didn't have the vulnerability I'd hoped for,  
her watcher wasn't likeable enough, and the vampires came across  
as comic rather than frightening. The good news, though, was that  
the simulation had proved that it was a feasible way of  
generating believable dialogue and storylines."  
  
"So you're saying this world is a simulation of some kind?",  
asked Xander sceptically.  
  
"Yes, but it isn't _that_ simulation", said John. "That original  
simulation lacked detail, but it did act as a proof of concept  
and inspired me to go further. I spent the next year or so trying  
to become a better writer and working to create a second  
simulation. This time, I was going to simulate an entire town -  
Sunnydale. It would have thousands of inhabitants -- most of whom  
would be simulated in limited detail -- but it would also have  
entirely new main characters, and those would have neural  
architectures of far greater sophistication. Orders of magnitude  
more complex than the first simulation."  
  
John lent back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"The second simulation was everything I hoped", he said in a  
satisfied tone. "This time the Slayer was more vulnerable, more  
endearing. Her watcher was less spooky, more likeable and rather  
eccentrically British. I also created a more detailed set of  
friends for the Slayer. Her friends in the first simulation were  
two-dimensional and uninteresting. This time they were fully  
detailed characters. And there was a long running love story  
involving a vampire with a soul."  
  
There was a dead silence in the room, while its other inhabitants  
exchanged confused and uneasy looks. Giles was the first one to  
speak up. "And you're saying that this world is that second  
simulation?"  
  
"No, actually it's not", said John.  
  
"Okay, now I'm confused", interjected Buffy. "I keep expecting  
you to say that this world is one of your simulations."  
  
John nodded. "I know, and I understand how confusing this must  
be, but let me continue", he said. "I ran that second simulation  
for years. It helped to generate scripts for two TV shows that  
did huge business worldwide. When the second show finally ended  
and there was no reason to keep the simulation running, I found  
that I just couldn't shut it down. I'd fallen in love with the  
characters I'd created, with their world, and with their  
struggles. I'd spent literally thousands of hours poring over the  
simulation watching what the characters were doing, looking at  
what they were thinking, and even knowing what they were feeling.  
I wrote dozens of episodes based on what I knew about them and  
outlined countless others. These characters were as real to me as  
any of my friends. I became obsessed with them; Cordelia in  
particular."  
  
Xander looked accusingly at John, but he continued unaware. "The  
thought of just switching them all off nauseated me, so I kept  
the simulation running, but somehow it wasn't as satisfying any  
more. Something had been lost. After all this time, I'd started  
to want more from it. I obsessed about it for months afterwards.  
I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to eat. I thought of nothing else  
to the point that I became depressed. And then it hit me. I  
didn't just want to watch this world any more -- I wanted to be  
_part_ of it."  
  
"But how could you become part of a simulation?", protested  
Willow.  
  
"And why would you _want_ to?", added Xander. "Why would you want  
to go into a world you knew wasn't real?"  
  
John gestured towards Giles. "Giles will tell you that adults  
often fantasise about living their lives over again. You know,  
'What would I do differently if I could do it all again?' or  
'Wouldn't it be great if I could relive my childhood knowing what  
I know now.' "  
  
Giles nodded in agreement. "Yes, I think almost everyone has  
wondered what that would be like."  
  
"It's a common fantasy", said John. "But I realised I could live  
it for real."  
  
Willow shook her head. "But I still don't see how you could get  
into the simulation."  
  
John smiled ruefully. "Yeah, that was the hard bit. Remember,  
though, that from the point of view of someone out there", he  
said, gesturing vaguely towards the ceiling, "you, me, this  
table, this room -- this entire world -- is just a collection of  
processes and data structures within a distributed network. I  
realised, that if I could create a compatible neural map of my  
own mind, I could integrate that into the simulation. After all,  
we already used neural maps to model the major characters, and  
these had started out as scans of real people that we altered to  
create the characters we wanted."  
  
Giles turned to Willow with a bewildered look on his face.  
"Willow, you know more about this than I do", he said. "Is this  
as crazy as it sounds?"  
  
Willow's brow furrowed. "It almost has to be." She turned to  
John. "I mean, I still don't see how you could put yourself  
_inside_ a simulation."  
  
"And what's a neural map?", Xander pitched in. "Am I the only one  
who's confused about that?"  
  
"Let me see if I can explain it better", said John. "We started  
with a ten-micron optical-MRI scan that was used to created a  
detailed map of my synaptic topology, which was ..." A series of  
blank looks stopped him mid-sentence. "Okay, sorry" he said. "Let  
me try that again. Ah, do you know what a CAT scan is?"  
  
Willow nodded. "It's like an x-ray of the brain", she said.  
  
"Quite right", said John. "Now the optical-MRI scan I underwent  
was very similar, but it produced a much more detailed picture  
than a CAT scan would -- one that showed the state of every cell  
and connection in my brain. The technology was developed in  
Israel a few years ago by a guy called Grinvald."  
  
Willow looked interested. "I didn't know that."  
  
"I'll tell you more about it later", John said to her. "The  
results from the scan were several gigabytes of compressed data.  
A copy of my mind, if you will. To make another long story short,  
this data was simplified and modified, and then uploaded into the  
simulation. After generating a few parameters to define my  
appearance and to make me younger, the net effect was that a copy  
of my mind was transferred from the real world into the  
simulation of Sunnydale. And here I am."  
  
"You're younger in here than you were out there?", said Buffy  
looking a bit worried. "How much younger? Creepy younger?"  
  
John smiled. "Out there, I'm in my thirties. In here, I'm  
seventeen. Not too creepy, I hope. Part of the fantasy was to  
relive my youth." He grinned, and the expression made him look  
even younger as he continued on enthusiastically. "I get to be a  
schoolboy again! I get to do it all over again, but this time  
with the knowledge and experience of an adult. It's the perfect  
fantasy!"  
  
Xander shook his head in disbelief. "You're crazy! I'd give  
anything to be old enough to drink, to have my own place, to not  
go to school, and you're giving up all of that just to be here."  
  
"I'm hoping it'll be easier the second time around", John said  
laughing. "Besides, I tinkered with a few things in order to make  
the fantasy even better. In here, I'm richer and a fair bit  
better looking than nature intended!"  
  
Buffy nodded her head. "Ah, that explains a few things."  
  
"Well, to wrap the story up", John continued, "I chose to stop  
the simulation after all, and then I restarted it from close to  
the beginning, but not before I'd changed the Cordelia character  
to make her more amenable to falling in love with me."  
  
Xander jolted forward in his chair. "You changed my Cordy?", he  
snapped. "Change her back!"  
  
"I can't", said John quietly. "Now that I'm inside the  
simulation, my ability to change its parameters is very limited."  
He looked directly at Xander. "But I do owe you an apology, don't  
I. I changed Cordelia and didn't think of what effect that would  
have on you. That was selfish and I apologise."  
  
Xander folded his arms across his chest, a sullen look appearing  
on his face. Buffy and Willow exchanged worried glances. Nothing  
in their shared experiences had prepared them for these  
disturbing claims. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.  
  
John stood. "Look, I guess you'll want some time to think this  
through. I'll leave you alone."  
  
"That might be best", said Giles quietly.  
  
Buffy watched as John walked away. When he 'd left, she turned to  
Giles and Willow. "We don't believe any of that, do we?", she  
said hopefully.  
  
Willow shook her head. "I can't believe it's real."  
  
"You mean _not_ real", said Xander angrily. "According to God boy  
there, we don't even exist. We're just a game for him to play!"  
  
"No! I won't believe that", insisted Willow. "I'm _real_. I know  
I am." She turned to Giles. "Giles, tell me you don't believe any  
of this."  
  
Giles looked down, not meeting Willow's gaze. "I can't prove if  
he's telling the truth or not, Willow, and I suspect it would be  
almost impossible to prove his claims one way or the other."  
  
Willow nodded, content with this at-least-partial agreement.  
  
"However", Giles continued, "I think the most damning aspect of  
all this is how well John's claims explain the stranger aspects  
of our world. Magic, vampires, mirrors -- all of it could be  
explained just by accepting that he programmed a simulation to  
behave in such a manner." He sighed heavily. "For centuries, the  
Council's been beating its head against the wall trying to come  
up with a sensible explanation for supernatural phenomena, and it  
may just be that a seventeen year-old boy has walked into  
Sunnydale High and delivered the answer to all of our age-old  
questions."  
  
"So you _do_ believe him", said Buffy.  
  
Giles nodded slowly. "I wish I didn't, but God help me, I think I  
do."  
  
*  
  
Xander screamed as the creature's talons raked across his flesh  
leaving bloody welts behind them. Struggling helplessly against  
it inhuman strength, he could do nothing to prevent its fangs  
from closing on the nape of his neck.  
  
"Xander!", shouted Willow in dismay as she ran towards the  
creature, heedless of her own safety. Leaping onto its back, she  
wrapped one of her small arms around its neck and tried  
ineffectually to pull its head away.  
  
"Buffy!", she screamed. "Buffy, we need you!"  
  
Horrified, she watched as the creature's fangs slowly pierced  
Xander's flesh. She beat at its head impotently with her hands,  
but it ignored her as it began to feed. Frantically she looked  
around for something wooden, knowing in her heart that she didn't  
have enough time.  
  
"_Buffy_!"  
  
Without warning, the vampire stiffened in shock and exploded in a  
shower of dust. Catching Xander as he fell, Willow lowered him  
gently to the ground and pressed her hand against his bloody  
neck. "Xander! Xander! Are you all right?"  
  
His eyes flickered opened, and he groaned. "That was quite a  
hickey, Will", he said feebly. "What'll we tell Oz?"  
  
Willow laughed in relief. "Let's not tell him!", she said  
happily. Hearing footsteps behind her, she said "Buffy, you got  
here just in time."  
  
"Well that's ingratitude for you", said a male voice.  
  
Willow spun. "Angel!"  
  
Standing over them both, arms folded across his chest, Angelus  
looked down at them. "I go to all the trouble of dusting that  
amateur for you, and you don't even thank me." He shook his head  
slowly. "Willow, I'm hurt."  
  
"Why are you here, you bastard?", she snapped.  
  
Angelus stepped back in mock surprise. "Such language, Willow! I  
thought you were nice girl."  
  
Willow glowered at him, hatred in her eyes. "You killed Miss  
Calender. She was my friend."  
  
The vampire laughed, a sound made all the more cruel for being so  
casual. "Ah, Jenny Calender", he reminisced with mock fondness.  
"Her neck made such a sweet sound when I snapped it." He looked  
down at the supine form at his feet. "Should I demonstrate on  
young Xander here?"  
  
Xander struggled weakly to rise up on one elbow. "If you start  
running now", he said quietly, "you might just get away before  
Buffy finds you."  
  
Angelus smiled. "Ah, yes, and where is the lovely Buffy?"  
  
"Here I am."  
  
Angelus spun, surprise clearly evident on his face. He looked  
down guiltily at Xander and Willow. "Ah, Buffy, this isn't what  
it looks like."  
  
The Slayer's face hardened as she drew a formidable looking stake  
from inside her jacket. "You've done enough damage. It's time to  
end this once and for all." She began to advance on him.  
  
Angelus looked around him, weighing his options. "Hey, don't  
blame me for this. Willow will tell you I just saved Harris's  
life." He began to walk slowly backwards trying to increase the  
distance between them.  
  
Buffy looked down at Willow and Xander, clearly sceptical. Willow  
began to speak, but Xander reached out and grabbed her hand.  
"Don't listen to him, Buffy", he said weakly. "Stake him now, and  
be done with it."  
  
Willow bit her lip, clearly conflicted. "Xander ...", she began.  
  
"Don't listen to her, Buffy", Xander interrupted. "He's a  
vampire, and he needs to be killed. They all do."  
  
Willow shook her head sadly. "Xander, no." She looked up at  
Buffy. "Angel is telling the truth, Buffy", she said. "Another  
vampire had Xander by the neck and was biting him. Angelus staked  
him."  
  
Buffy looked at Angelus with suspicion. "Why?"  
  
Angelus raised his hands in mock innocence. "I'm a humanitarian",  
he said grinning.  
  
Buffy shook her head in disgust. "It's more likely you saved him  
so you could kill him yourself." She raised her stake menacingly.  
"Get out of here", she said quietly.  
  
Angelus smiled. "I'll be back", he said as he loped away into the  
night.  
  
With Willow's assistance, Xander raised himself up into a sitting  
position. "Gratitude's wasted on the likes of him. You should go  
after him and kill him."  
  
Buffy shook her head tiredly. "Why bother?", she said quietly.  
"None of this is even real." She helped Xander to his feet.  
"Let's go home."  
  
*  
  
Within the lounge room of John's opulent home, the group sat  
huddled together on a leather sofa. "You know, I'm still not sure  
how much of your story to believe", said Giles, "but assuming for  
the moment that what you say is correct, why would you burden us  
with this knowledge? It seems needlessly cruel."  
  
John nodded in agreement. "You're right, of course. I can only  
imagine how freaky this must be for you." He shrugged. "If it  
makes you feel any better, I never intended to tell you."  
  
"Maybe ignorance really is bliss", said Willow. A moment later  
she turned to Buffy and frowned. "You know, I never thought I'd  
hear myself say that."  
  
"So why _did_ you tell us?", Giles asked.  
  
John looked uncharacteristically hesitant and paused for a long  
moment before replying. "I told you because I think we're all in  
danger."  
  
"Here it comes ...", muttered Xander.  
  
"In danger from what?", said Buffy.  
  
"I think the real me is about to end the simulation."  
  
A silence descended upon the group that no one seemed to want to  
break. Finally, Xander spoke up again. "Just so we're clear on  
this, if the simulation ends, we go with it right?"  
  
John nodded. "You, me, the house, Sunnydale. Everything."  
  
Buffy looked confused. "But why would you do it?", she asked.  
"You went to all this effort to get here, why would you end it  
all?"  
  
John shook his head. "Remember, it's not _me_ who's planning to  
end the simulation", he said. "It's the other me. The one out  
there in the real world."  
  
"There's two of you?", Buffy said, looking confused.  
  
"That's right", he replied. "When it came time to do the scan of  
my mind, I flew over to a lab in Italy and lay down inside the  
optical-MRI scanner while the scan was made. From that moment  
onwards there were two versions of my mind. The original one  
inside my skull and the copy, which was stored as a large data  
file that was sent back to the lab and subsequently inserted into  
the simulation." He stroked his chin idly as he thought about how  
to continue the story. "When the scan was completed the original  
me opened his eyes and found that he was still lying inside the  
scanner, but the _copy_ -- me -- opened my eyes and found myself in  
Sunnydale. Our memories of events prior to that moment are  
identical, but from then on we've diverged. We're no longer the  
same person. I've been living in Sunnydale; he hasn't."  
  
Willow spoke up. "But why would the other you end the simulation  
when he knows that you'll end with it? It's almost like suicide."  
  
"Unfortunately for us, he doesn't feel that way. I know, I used  
to be him." John smiled grimly. "The bottom line is, he just  
doesn't think we're real."  
  
Xander slapped his hand on his knee in frustration. "That's  
crazy. _You_ believe we're real, so why wouldn't he? Okay, so  
you've diverged a little, but you're still basically the same  
people."  
  
"That's true" John said, "but he hasn't lived inside the  
simulation like I have. From his point of view, out there in the  
real world, we're just a very life-like simulation."  
  
"Surely though", said Giles, "you can explain to him that you now  
realise we're more than just characters in his simulation?"  
  
"I've tried many times", John replied. "Unfortunately, he just  
doesn't believe me. From his point of view, I'm a simulation of  
him, and that's precisely the sort of thing a good simulation  
would say. Remember -- and I say this now with a sense of shame -  
before putting myself into the simulation, I'd already turned it  
off on two prior occasions." John looked downwards. "While that  
bothers me deeply now, it didn't bother me at the time, so it's  
unlikely that doing it again will worry him."  
  
"And you're convinced he's going to stop the simulation a third  
time?", said Buffy.  
  
"Yes", said John. "No matter how much I plead with him not to, he  
still doesn't believe we're real. He sees us as just mimicking  
human behaviour. In a sense he's right, of course, but what he  
hasn't realised is that when a mimic becomes so convincing that  
it's indistinguishable from the thing it's mimicking, it becomes  
that thing.  
  
"Cogito ergo sum", said Giles.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Xander shrugged. "So why does he want to shut down the simulation  
anyway?"  
  
"I'm not altogether sure", John replied, "but I have a theory.  
When I went into the MRI scanner, I remember thinking _this_was_it_.  
I was so excited. I was going to wake up in Sunnydale! I'd  
finally meet my children." He looked away. "I, ah, thought of you  
all as my children", he said embarrassed. "Anyway, for me -- the  
copy -- that's exactly what happened. I remember lying down on the  
gurney, sliding into the scanner, closing my eyes, and then when  
I opened them only a few seconds later, I was here in Sunnydale."  
  
Giles nodded in sudden understanding. "But that's not what  
happened for him, is it?"  
  
"No. From his point of view, he closed his eyes, slid into the  
scanner, waited a few moments and found that he was exactly where  
he started. Nothing had changed. There must have been a  
tremendous sense of disappointment when he opened his eyes and  
realised that _he_wasn't_the_copy. He was still in the real  
world."  
  
Willow looked confused. "But didn't he know that would happen?"  
  
John nodded. "Oh, I understood it intellectually before I  
underwent the process, of course. I knew there'd be a copy of me  
in the simulation and the original me would still be in the real  
world, but I don't think the reality of it actually hit home  
until he opened his eyes and saw that he was still in that damn  
scanner. For him, he was still outside. He'd never meet his  
children."  
  
"Okay, so he's disappointed", said Xander, "but will he really  
shut down the simulation in a fit of pique?"  
  
"Oh, I don't think it's a fit of pique", John answered. "I think  
he's going to shut down the simulation for the same reason I did.  
He still wants to restart it and come inside."  
  
"But that's stupid", Willow exclaimed. "The same thing is going  
to happen next time. He'll go into the scanner, open his eyes a  
moment later, and he'll still be there in the real world. He can  
_never_ come into the simulation. He can only ever send a _copy_  
of himself in here. Doesn't he understands that?"  
  
"Apparently not", said John." He seems to think that next time  
it'll be different. And he's willing to kill us all to prove it."  
  
*  
  
"Hi, Buff. What'ya doing?"  
  
Buffy looked up from the kitchen counter to see Willow standing  
at the door. "Oh, hi, Will. Come on in." Buffy gestured at the  
mess scattered across the counter. "I'm just writing name tags  
for the next exhibition at the gallery."  
  
"Need a hand?", Willow said as she took a seat.  
  
"Thanks", Buffy said, handing Willow a pen and gesturing towards  
the mostly blank tags. "I've been sitting here for half an hour,  
but I haven't done more than a dozen." She looked up at Willow  
with a plaintive look. "I mean, why am I my bothering?"  
  
Willow looked surprised by the question. "Don't people need  
nametags?", she asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Why would they?", she said. "According to  
John, they're not even real people."  
  
Frowning, Willow said, "Buffy, I still don't know if I believe  
anything John's said. I mean, it's still all conjecture. He  
hasn't actually proven anything."  
  
Buffy continued on heedlessly. "And what if the world comes to an  
end before the exhibition? What could we do to stop it? And would  
we even know?" She shrugged. "They're weighty questions, Will."  
  
Willow thought for a moment. "Buffy", she said finally, "I can't  
prove that our world is real, but I do know what is". Reaching  
out, she took one of Buffy's hands in her own. "_This_ is real.  
What we _feel_ is real -- and it doesn't _matter_ if this is a  
simulation. You and I are just as real as we were before John  
mentioned any of this. If you feel something, it's real. It's  
important." She looked into Buffy's eyes. "I'm real. Are you?"  
  
Buffy smiled at her friend and gave her hand a small squeeze.  
"Yeah, I'm real."  
  
"That's the spirit", said Willow as she reached out for a pen  
and began to write.  
  
*  
  
"John, thank you for joining us. I know it's late, but I asked  
you here because there's something I wanted to clarify", said  
Giles as the young man took a seat at the library table. "You  
said yesterday that you thought the real you wanted to end the  
simulation. How did you know? Can you talk to him?"  
  
John looked at the familiar faces seated around him, noting how  
serious they all looked. "Not really", he said. "I have some  
limited communication with him. Of course, he can see us all the  
time. Not necessarily live, though. Sometimes I used to just  
program the simulation to make a note of any interesting  
character interactions."  
  
"So while he can watch us, we can't communicate with him in any  
way?", prompted Giles.  
  
"Occasionally, he'll ask me a question", said John.  
  
Buffy frowned. "You mean he just appears out of thin air?"  
  
"No. Sometimes I'll turn around and a piece of paper will be on  
the table next me, even though I know it wasn't there before, and  
on it will be a question. It's a simple matter for him to add or  
remove objects from the simulation. Adding a piece of paper with  
something written on it is the easiest way for him to communicate  
with me. All I have to do is speak a reply, and I know he'll be  
listening."  
  
"Can't you just tell him that he's wrong?", said Xander. "Tell  
him you feel real, and you don't want him to shut off the  
simulation."  
  
John sighed. "As I said before, I've already tried that, and he  
just doesn't believe me. Even though I was created from a copy of  
his mind, he thinks of me as just a sophisticated simulation,  
nothing more. Because of my origins, I can mimic his behaviour,  
but he still doesn't think of me as real. So he doesn't believe  
that shutting me down is wrong."  
  
"Perhaps", said Willow tentatively, "if we _all_ told him that we  
feel real, he might be swayed by the group even though he doesn't  
believe you by yourself?"  
  
John smiled sympathetically, but shook his head. "I have to  
remind you that I've already shut down the simulation twice  
before. And from his point of view, nothing has happened this  
time around that would cause him to change his beliefs."  
  
Willow looked resolute. "Then we'll just have to do something to  
convince him he's wrong", she insisted. "We're not just  
characters, we're real people, and he can't just turn us off! I  
don't care if he thinks he created my memories, _they're_real_to_me_.  
Just as real as his memories are to him."  
  
John looked thoughtful. "I hear what you're saying, Will, but I  
don't know what I can do that he wouldn't expect. After all, he  
just thinks of me as his mirror image."  
  
"Then you're going to have to do something he would never do",  
said Buffy with a sudden insight. "Convince him that you're not  
just a copy! You have to convince him that you're more than just  
a simulation."  
  
They all sat silently for a moment, lost in thought. Finally,  
Giles spoke up. "I asked you a while ago", he said to John, "how  
you knew what the real you was planning, but you never got around  
to answering. How do you know he's planning to shut down the  
simulation?"  
  
"I don't know for certain", John replied. "It's just that the  
tone of his recent communications has seemed ... envious. Almost  
resentful. He seems to think that he's the one who did all the  
work, but I'm reaping the benefit while he's forced to just  
watch." He paused. "I confess, I understand how he feels. In his  
place I'd probably be the same way. From his point of view, it  
must be like watching your twin brother date your girlfriend. You  
couldn't help but feel resentful."  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Oh great. God's jealous." He sighed.  
"This is _not_ going to end well."  
  
Willow raised her hand as if to make a point, but quickly moved  
it to her mouth to cover a yawn. "Sorry", she said, with an  
apologetic smile, "just a bit tired."  
  
Giles took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Yes, I think we  
all are", he said. "Look, tomorrow's Saturday. Why don't we all  
meet back here at eleven. We'll probably think more clearly if  
we're rested."  
  
*  
  
"It's no use, he's still not answering", said Giles.  
  
"Strange", said Buffy. "He said he'd be here, and despite any  
other faults he may have ..."  
  
"You mean like treating us all like his playthings?", said Xander  
indignantly.  
  
Buffy glared at Xander in mock annoyance before continuing. "...  
John's always been pretty reliable."  
  
"I agree", said Giles. "He knew how important this was to us. I  
can't imagine he just forgot about the meeting."  
  
"We should go and see him", said Buffy. "Something could be  
wrong."  
  
"Yes", said Giles, "I think that would be best."  
  
Willow stuck up her hand. "Ah, guys, aren't you forgetting  
something?"  
  
"Such as?", said Buffy.  
  
"Well, if something _is_ wrong and he can't come to the door, how  
are we going to get in?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "No biggy", she said. "If he doesn't answer the  
door, I should be able to force it open or get in through a  
window."  
  
"Or we could just use a key", said Xander dryly.  
  
Giles looked surprised. "You have a key to John's house?"  
  
Xander shook his head. "No, but I know who does", he said a  
little sullenly.  
  
"Cordelia", said Willow.  
  
Xander nodded. "Got it in one."  
  
"Will she help us?", Willows said looking doubtful.  
  
Xander nodded again. "She will if we tell her we're worried about  
John."  
  
"It's settled them", said Giles. "Xander, you go and find  
Cordelia, and ask her to meet us at John's house with a key. The  
rest of us will meet you there."  
  
*  
  
"John?"  
  
"John, are you home?"  
  
There was no sound from within the house as the group made their  
way slowly into the splendid lounge room, all feeling a little  
uncomfortable at their intrusion.  
  
"John?" When, after a moment there was still no answer, Buffy  
spread her hands in exasperation. "If he's here, he can't hear us  
or he can't answer", she said.  
  
"Well, let's look around", said Giles. "Willow, you and Cordelia  
search around downstairs. Buffy, Xander and I will look around  
upstairs." Saying so, he lead the group to the landing at the top  
of the stairs. "Buffy, you look down that way", he said,  
gesturing down one end of the corridor. "Xander and I will try  
these doors over here."  
  
Moving down the corridor a little, Xander peered into what  
appeared to be a study. "Will you look at the size of this  
place", he said. "My parents' lounge room isn't this big."  
  
"It is impressive isn't?", said Giles. "Remember, though, if what  
John said was true, he was able to shape the simulation to  
satisfy his every fantasy. It's natural that he'd make himself  
wealthy."  
  
Xander nodded. "Yeah, well he's ..."  
  
"Giles!" Buffy's voice rang out from a nearby room.  
  
Xander and Giles dashed down the corridor and stopped at an open  
door. Looking inside, they saw it was the master bedroom. As  
expected, it was luxurious. What was not expected, though, was  
the sight that met them: John's body lying on the bed.  
  
Buffy looked up as they entered. "He seems to have taken an  
overdose of sleeping tablets", she said sadly as she gestured  
towards the empty pill bottle on the bedside table.  
  
"I don't get it", said Xander. "Why would he do this?"  
  
Giles thought for a moment. "Buffy, did you see a note?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, I called you as soon as I found him."  
  
Giles nodded. "Well, we need to look around and see if we can  
find ..."  
  
"Don't bother", interrupted Xander picking up an envelope from  
the bedside table. "Here it is", he said, passing it to Giles.  
  
With a look of resignation, Giles slid his thumb under the flap  
of the envelope and removed a neatly typed sheet of paper.  
Scanning it briefly, he said, "I think we should all read this  
together."  
  
Xander nodded. "I'll tell Willow and Cordy", he said sombrely.  
  
Ten minutes later, Buffy sat with Willow and Giles on the  
downstairs lounge waiting quietly while Xander stood in the  
corner comforting the still sobbing Cordelia. Giles cleared his  
throat softly. "Xander, perhaps we should begin?"  
  
Xander nodded, and gently guided Cordelia to the lounge while  
Giles put on his spectacles, unfolded the note and began to read.  
  
My friends,  
  
Since last we met, I've spent countless hours trying to think  
of a way to convince my alter ego not to end our simulation.  
After hours of fruitless thought, I finally realised that  
trying to do something he wouldn't expect was pointless because  
I'm still essentially the same person he is. Although my  
experiences here have changed me, they're not enough to have  
altered my basic character. He and I are still the same person  
at heart.  
  
I realised that if I was to have any chance of changing his  
mind, it wouldn't come from trying to be different from him.  
Rather, my best hope was to convince him that I'm just as real  
as he is, even though I know he doesn't believe it.  
  
I lay here all night thinking about what I could say or do, but  
still I got nowhere. And then, around four a.m., I knew what he  
was planning. As we've already guessed, he wants to come into  
the simulation, but he knows there's no point in just making  
another copy like me.  
  
Instead, he needs to find a way to move himself -- the original  
him -- into the simulation, and he can't do that by making a  
copy. In other words, he can't leave a mind behind in the real  
world.  
  
Giles nodded his head, realising where this was going. He  
continued to read.  
  
He's going to scan himself one more time, but this time he's  
going to kill himself when he does it.  
  
If he's fatally anaesthetised just prior to the scan then he'll  
never awaken disappointed inside the scanner. He'll pay off one  
of his trusted staff to make it look like a natural death, and  
then to take the scan and insert it into the newly restarted  
simulation. This way, he'll wake up inside the simulation, not  
on the scanner.  
  
It can't have been easy for him realising that he has to die in  
order to have this new life, but I'm sure this is what he's  
planning. He's willing to die in order to live here with the  
children he created.  
  
The only question left is how soon will he do it? Our  
simulation could end any time now.  
  
His decision to kill himself must have been made after enormous  
introspection. If I take my life also, I can only hope that  
he'll realise just how alike we are.  
  
I understand that this world is, in some sense, just a  
simulation. Even so, you are all as real to me as anyone I've  
ever met or loved out in the real world. I can only hope that  
my willingness to die to protect this world will convince him  
of the sincerity of my belief.  
  
"It's signed 'John' ", Giles said quietly as he put the note down  
on the table.  
  
"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?",  
Cordelia said as she wiped away her tears. "Who's this alter ego  
John mentioned? Did he have a brother? And what's this simulation  
he was talking about?"  
  
There was an awkward silence as everyone else exchanged glances.  
"Ah, Cordy", Xander said awkwardly, "there's a fair bit about  
John that you didn't know". He stood up and held out his hand to  
her. "Let's go into the kitchen, and I'll tell you the whole  
story."  
  
There was a long moment of silence before Buffy turned to Giles  
and Willow, a worried look on her face. "So what happens now?",  
she said. "How do we tell if the real John still plans to end the  
simulation?"  
  
Giles seated himself on the lounge, looking equally worried.  
"Unless he makes contact with us, I'm afraid we may never know  
for sure."  
  
"You mean the simulation could end at any moment?" Buffy looked  
horrified. "That's hideous! How are we meant to go about our  
lives if the world could just end?"  
  
Giles nodded. "Yes, it's not a pleasant prospect is it?" He ran  
his hands through his hair. "Perhaps ..." he began but was  
stopped short by a strange sound emanating from another room.  
"Did you hear that?" he said.  
  
Buffy nodded. "It sounded like it came from upstairs."  
  
"That's strange", said Willow. "There shouldn't be ..."  
  
"Did you guys here that?", said Xander as he and Cordelia return  
from the kitchen. "It sounded like it came from the upstairs  
bedroom."  
  
Cordelia's eyes went wide. "John?", she said quietly.  
  
"Let's not jump to any conclusions", Giles said hastily. "Let's  
just go up and see what it is. After all, it could be nothing.  
Perhaps John just had a cat?"  
  
Another sound came from upstairs. Louder this time.  
  
"Big cat", Willow said quietly.  
  
The group made their way quietly up the stairs. Approaching the  
master bedroom, Buffy held at her hand in the universal gesture  
indicating a need for quiet. Slowly, she opened the door and  
looked inside.  
  
A body lay upon the bed.  
  
Cordelia pushed past her roughly and raced into the room. "John?"  
  
The figure on the bed turned slowly towards them, revealing his  
features as he rolled into the light.  
  
Buffy stepped back in shock. "Angelus!"  
  
Of all the things she had expected to find, this was not one of  
them. She turned to the others. "Find a stake!", she snapped.  
  
"How the hell did _he_ get here?", said Xander as he darted into  
the room and began frantically searching through the chest of  
drawers for a suitably sharp wooden implement. On the bed,  
Angelus groaned and lifted himself into a sitting position to sit  
with his face in his hands.  
  
"Buffy, here", said Xander, pulling an ornate flute from the  
drawer and throwing it to her. Buffy caught it and casually  
snapped it in half, producing a jagged wooden spike.  
  
Buffy advanced on the seated figure. "You heard him, what the  
hell are you doing here?"  
  
Angelus took his head out of his hands and looked up at her, an  
unfocused look in his eyes. "Buffy?", he said hesitantly. "Buffy,  
is that you?"  
  
Buffy staggered back, thunderstruck, the blood draining from her  
face. "Angel?", she whispered disbelievingly. "Angel, is it you?"  
  
"Buffy, where am I?", Angel said looking confused.  
  
"Angel!"  
  
Buffy flung herself at the seated figure, throwing her arms  
around him and hugging him tightly to her. "You're back!"  
  
*  
  
The following evening, a weary group was seated around the table  
in the school library, chatting happily. Buffy sat  
unselfconsciously in Angel's lap, her arms around him  
possessively, as if trying to dare anyone to take him away from  
her again. Willow and Oz held hands, and Xander and Cordelia sat  
next to each other, making small talk and awkwardly re-  
establishing their friendship.  
  
"Well, my best guess", said Giles, "is that the real John was  
rocked by his copy's suicide. As he'd been planning something  
similar himself, the gesture must have shown him only too clearly  
that his copy was just as passionate about life as he was. He  
must have finally come to believe that our John was real and, if  
that was the case, the rest of us were too."  
  
Willow nodded. "Knew it all along", she said with an I-told-you-  
so smile.  
  
Angel shook his head, confused. "But where do I come into this?  
The last thing I remember was walking around in the sewers."  
  
Giles looked thoughtful. "I think his decision to heal you seems  
to have been a form of apology."  
  
Buffy smiled as she hugged Angel to her. "Apology accepted", she  
said happily.  
  
Angel hugged Buffy in return but quickly turned his attention  
back to Giles, still clearly confused. "It's nice, and all, but  
why would he be apologising to me? We never even met."  
  
"Yeah", said Xander glaring at Angel. "How about apologising to  
Cordy and me. We're the ones who got jerked around here!"  
  
Giles nodded, and raised his hands in an attempt to forestall any  
bickering. "I think the apology was aimed at all of us  
generally", he said. "You'll recall John saying that before he  
entered the simulation, it had been run for many years. In other  
words, John knew what our future was going to be because he'd  
already seen it."  
  
A murmur of confusion ran through the group. "That doesn't make  
sense", said Willow. "This time around, he was part of the  
simulation, so it couldn't turn out the same way as it did the  
previous time."  
  
"That's true", said Giles, "but things would still be pretty much  
the same if he didn't make too many changes."  
  
"So what are you saying?", asked Buffy. "That the real John knows  
what our future was going to be and it sucked?"  
  
"I think so", said Giles. "I never had much of a chance to talk  
to our John about this, but he did hint that the next few years  
were pretty unpleasant in the original simulation." He glanced  
awkwardly at Angel. "Let's face it, Buffy, if the real John  
hadn't restored Angel's soul, sometime in the near future you  
two would have come to blows. And who knows what that might have  
led to?"  
  
Buffy wrapped her arms even more tightly around Angel's  
shoulders. "I don't even want to think about it", she said  
quietly.  
  
Giles continued. "It may be that the real John has chosen to  
apologise to us by intervening so that this time around the next  
few years won't be quite as unpleasant."  
  
There was a long period of silence as this information was  
digested. "We'll never know for sure, though, will we?", said  
Willow.  
  
"No, we won't", acknowledged Giles. "There's no guarantee that  
the series of events that unfolds this time will be any better  
than the last."  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's just great", he said. "How do  
we know that bringing Angel back hasn't made things even worse?"  
  
"Hey!", growled Angel. "Watch it."  
  
"Now, now, you two", said Buffy, "play nicely. I don't want to  
have to ..."  
  
"Ah, guys", interrupted Willow. "Was that there before?", she  
said pointing to a folded piece of paper in the middle of the  
table.  
  
"Not the last time I looked", said Buffy. She frowned. "You don't  
think it could be ...?"  
  
"From John?", said Willow, still not reaching to pick it up.  
  
"It could be", said Giles. "We know that John can make things  
appear in the simulation. This could ..."  
  
"Oh, for goodness sake", said Cordelia, "just pick the damned  
thing up and read it!" She reached forward and snatched it off  
the table. Unfolding it, she began to read:  
  
  
Everyone,  
  
Yes, Angel's little restoration was in the nature of an  
apology. Thanks to my copy's selfless act, I'm beginning to  
realise just how real your world is.  
  
To say that this leaves me with a sense of guilt is an  
understatement. The first time around, I mercilessly milked the  
simulation for as much suffering as I could, all in the name of  
drama, little realising just how real your suffering was.  
  
This time around, The Powers That Be are going to be a lot more  
benevolent. You have my word on it.  
  
John  
  
(Joss to my friends)  
  
*  
  
  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Author's endnote  
  
  
Well, that's it, folks, my first piece of Buffy fan fiction. I  
hope you liked it. Who knows, one day there may even be a sequel.  
:)  
  
Please feel free to e-mail me with your comments -- I live for  
feedback. It's an ego thing.  
  
You can reach me at timn@vianet.net.au or info@scribe.com.au. You  
can find other pieces of my fan fiction on my web site:  
http://www.vianet.net.au/~timn/  
  
Best regards,  
  
Tim North  
  
(August 2001)  
  
(c) 2001 Tim North  
http://www.vianet.net.au/~timn/  
  
(Last modified 26 August 2001)  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  



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